Are You a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) / Oh no! More Labels…

While looking for info on sensory processing / sensory thinking:  

Just when I think there is nothing more to investigate / confront in this mish-mash of ASD / Asperger “stuff” – a psychology acronym turns up in what seems to be a personality type called HSP, the innate temperament trait of high sensitivity.

There seems to be an overlap with ASD, Asperger’s, introversion and of course, with sensory processing disorders – What gives?  Or for some of us, awareness of the sensory environment is just “normal”!

Are You Highly Sensitive?

Copyright, Elaine N. Aron, 1996

Instructions: Answer each question according to the way you personally feel. Check the box if it is at least somewhat true for you; leave unchecked if it is not very true or not at all true for you.

I’ve highlighted those statements that are “suspiciously” ASD. Personally, I could check yes to all of these!  

If you are a parent trying to evaluate your child, please use the test “Is Your Child Highly Sensitive?

I am easily overwhelmed by strong sensory input.

I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment.

Other people’s moods affect me.

I tend to be very sensitive to pain.

I find myself needing to withdraw during busy days, into bed or into a darkened room or any place where I can have some privacy and relief from stimulation.

I am particularly sensitive to the effects of caffeine.

I am easily overwhelmed by things like bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics, or sirens close by.

I have a rich, complex inner life.

I am made uncomfortable by loud noises.

I am deeply moved by the arts or music.

My nervous system sometimes feels so frazzled that I just have to go off by myself.

I am conscientious.

I startle easily.

I get rattled when I have a lot to do in a short amount of time.

When people are uncomfortable in a physical environment I tend to know what needs to be done to make it more comfortable (like changing the lighting or the seating).

I am annoyed when people try to get me to do too many things at once.

I try hard to avoid making mistakes or forgetting things.

I make a point to avoid violent movies and TV shows.

I become unpleasantly aroused when a lot is going on around me.

Being very hungry creates a strong reaction in me, disrupting my concentration or mood.

Changes in my life shake me up.

I notice and enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds, works of art.

I find it unpleasant to have a lot going on at once.

I make it a high priority to arrange my life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations.

I am bothered by intense stimuli, like loud noises or chaotic scenes.

When I must compete or be observed while performing a task, I become so nervous or shaky that I do much worse than I would otherwise.

When I was a child, my parents or teachers seemed to see me as sensitive or shy.

Scoring: If you answered more than fourteen of the questions as true of yourself, you are probably highly sensitive. But no psychological test is so accurate that an individual should base his or her life on it. We psychologists try to develop good questions, then decide on the cut off based on the average response.

If fewer questions are true of you, but extremely true, that might also justify calling you highly sensitive.  Also, although there are as many men as women who are highly sensitive, when taking the test highly sensitive men answer slightly fewer items as true than do highly sensitive women.

This is copyrighted material and may not be copied and used without permission. For permission, please email. If you wish to use this questionnaire for psychological research, there is a better version on this website for you to use along with suggestions for how best to employ it.

The contents of this website and the self-tests it contains are not meant to diagnose or exclude the diagnosis of any condition.  See more information on this subject in our FAQs.

About Dr. Elaine Aron: Dr. Aron earned her M.A. from York University in Toronto in clinical psychology and her Ph.D. at Pacifica Graduate Institute in clinical depth psychology as well as interning at the C. G. Jung Institute in San Francisco. Besides beginning the study of the innate temperament trait of high sensitivity in 1991, she, along with her husband Dr. Arthur Aron, are two of the leading scientists studying the psychology of love and close relationships. They are also pioneers in studying both sensitivity and love using functional magnetic resonance imaging. She maintains a small psychotherapy practice in Mill Valley, CA.


Honestly? I’d rather be Asperger: HSP appears to have spawned an (NT) cult of “pants-droppers” LOL


The Internet / One Vast Tricky Resource

The internet was not a bad idea: like most human inventions, it’s an idea; a word concept that has no real existence, until it is acted upon. Those actions are not the idea, but the consequences of attempting to make the idea real. 

As I’ve said many times before: Word language creates the illusion that ideas expressed by words correspond to reality, because social humans believe that words have the magic power to create reality.








Crazy communication between and among humans is obviously not new: “exchanges” have been a mess for thousands of years. Contrary to those who promote civilization as a never-ending escalator to perfection, “communication” favors such pan-human messages such as,

“We hate you; we’re going to wipe you from the face of the earth and steal everything you claim as your own.” Often, this is the type of “idea” that gets action, because it is actionable. 

Ideas like “world peace” “fair and transparent government” “political equality” and the like are not actionable. Why? Because everyone knows that “in reality” these ideas are utterly contrary to the history of human behavior in groups. No governments exist in nature; no social systems exist in nature. In nature, there is only what organisms do,  actively and reactively, in response to the environment.

Since social systems devised by modern humans are “the human environment” and intentionally unfair, unequal and hostile to humans, “ideas friendly to humans” are not actionable. They are in fact, meaningless: no one can act in a way that promotes world peace, justice, equality or fair interactions between unequal people. To “accomplish” these ideas, human beings would have to be removed from the human environment.

Peace on Earth? A planet without humans.

None of this prevents me from making use of the internet. Anyone with a real actionable idea, such as, How much disinformation, arrogance, stupidity and ignorance about Asperger people is there on the internet? will never run out of a supply of information to work with.

Bipedal Animals Dance Competition / Birds Win

Love in nature… males dance for females.

Wonder if the dinosaur ancestors of birds danced, too?

Neoteny…forever pink & purple…

Should dueling be revived as a tool to end political nonsense?

Perhaps if politicians and members of the media industrial complex had to risk the consequence of being wounded or killed in a lethal face off, this idiocy of infantile behavior would end.

The 1906 Olympics had dueling pistols as an Olympic event. The shooters used wax bullets but no gun powder. American politicians might opt for a load of bullshit!

PBS: Politics And Pistols: Dueling In America

Dueling started as a less violent way to solve disputes in the European Middle Ages. It was thought that God would pass judgment during a duel and save the “right” person.

Dueling continued as a popular means of establishing honor and settling differences for hundreds of years. It quickly established itself in the New World where, like many things, it reinvented itself.

While duels had long been fought over a woman’s hand, or to defend a man’s honor, in America, dueling took on a new importance: It was used to settle political differences. The duel that took place between Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr is perhaps the most well-known, but it was not uncommon in politics.

Freedom of speech and politics were cornerstones of the new country. To besmirch a man because of his beliefs was not taken lightly. Political rivals such as senators, governors, mayors were challenged.

Principally duels were held to defend one’s honor, but the duelists were also trying to prove themselves as leaders—brave, determined and single-minded. A challenge could not be ignored, or a career would be destroyed.

Dueling was very much a public matter. Insults, and the challenges to duel that followed, traveled via newspaper editorials, word of mouth and plain old gossip. They also reached a widespread public with “postings” at street corners and taverns.

Few men could resist such a public challenge. Even Abraham Lincoln was called to duel: he had referred to one man as a “smelly, foolish liar” in a newspaper editorial. Lincoln chose swords over pistols, in the hope that his long arms would offer an advantage. He eventually apologized and avoided the duel altogether.

Newspapers at the time were factionalized and expressed very distinct viewpoints. Editors were constantly being challenged and were known to carry side arms at all times—even in the office—in case an irate reader should wish to dispute an editorial.

By the time of the Broderick-Terry duel of 1859, slavery had become the new reason for dueling. Dueling had lost favor in the early 1800s in the North, but still remained the dispute-solving method of choice in the South, where social standing was a touchier subject.

Although 18 states had outlawed dueling by 1859, it was still often practiced in the South and the West. Dueling became less common in the years following the Civil War, with the collective public opinion perhaps soured by the amount of bloodshed during the conflict.

By the start of the 20th century, dueling laws were enforced and it became a thing of the past.


Internet / How do “young social adults” insult each other nowadays?

Well, verbally, of course. I woke up wondering about how “kids” today use language to insult each other; not the flame-throwers on social media sites, but in a less public  discussion. A Google search (my digital I-Ching) for “how kids insult each other” brought up this chat room exchange between aspiring writers of “teen fiction” and related genres.

The discussion is refreshing, actually; brings one down to earth from all the “adult” helping, caring, fixing industry pseudo-scientific blah, blah, blah about how to officially dismiss people who are socially unacceptable by labeling them as “defectives”.  We clearly can see in these dispassionate comments the origins of racism, discrimination, bigotry, prejudice, hatred, violence – (physical, emotional and psychological) as a product of social indoctrination within the family, schools and by  society at large.

At base, it all erupts from the social typical infantile stage of magical thinking: specifically, magical fear of contamination by ‘the other’: Social humans are all about fear and dominance…. words are magic weapons that form the spells and rituals of protection and control.

These females have obviously grasped and accepted the intent of language as the primary magic power for arranging humans on the social pyramid!  

They also do not seem to connect “bitch” with “dog”!!!


The opening question: (Remember, this is ostensibly about language useful in character development and authenticity to the environment of the characters. These seem to be UK, US and Canadian females actively pursuing publication, with one slightly creepy older male…) 

Do bullies still call unattractive girls “dogs”?

I know that all of the awful slut-shaming words are used a lot, but I’m looking more specifically for a word that they might use for someone who they consider to be ugly.


Thread: (slightly altered for readability; italics mine) 

1. I’m 22 so I might be a bit old to chime in, but I was never called a dog during my junior high or high school years. I was called an “ugly b**ch” sometimes, but never a dog. Or at least, not from what I remember.

2. Depends on the area, but “dog” is pretty timeless. There’s also “butterface.” Could always keep it simple and say “ugly.” Some people still say “fug/fugly” but it could end up dated. Girls will call others girls “gross.” A lot of people also say “busted.” If it’s deep south (US) you could go with “ratchet” but that’s kind of advanced.

3. It’s so bad that the first words I think are “ho” and “tramp.” But… grenades, oompa loompa, cuntsatchel, wildebeest, snorlax, duff …

4. I’m 23 and from the South and I’ve never heard a girl called a dog. People who would use those words tended to not have a creative vocabulary. Pretty much the stuff xxx  said, I’ve heard. (Except ratchet, which is weird.) Also, horseface. Sometimes people would take an overriding facial feature and make fun of that, like “buttchin.” (Creative: a word tragically devalued by American pop culture)

5. (Question originator) I’m in my early 30s, and dog was pretty common when I was younger. I don’t want to seem too dated with vocabulary. Although I really was hoping to be able to use dog, because it would fit in so perfectly with my story.

Am I the only one who sometimes feels like a huge jerk for all of the things that I throw at my MC? (main character)

6. Depending on the context in which you use “dog” I could buy it.

7. Haha, don’t feel bad. Bad things happening to characters make for interesting stories. I’ve had my characters get shot, stabbed, kicked, arrested, and had their parents killed. Maybe it’s bad that I don’t feel bad…?

8. Gromet. That’s what cousins from Texas say.

9. I’m still in high school. Never heard the word “dog” used to describe a girl deemed as “ugly.” Normally it’s just “ugly” sometimes followed by “bitch” or “c***” or any other insulting word you can muster, but those two seem to be the most popular at my school.

10. Girls aren’t that original anymore. Busted is pretty common, though, if you’re looking for slang. I have never once heard ‘dog’ as slang, but it could work. Butterface only works for girls who have nice bodies. Fugly is used, but not much anymore. Disgusting and gross work well, too, but that’s usually only used in passing directed at fat or chubby girls.

11. The number one insult are always gay slurs, faggot, cock sucker, dyke, carpet muncher, bull dyke, homo, “No homo,” softball player, Dora the Explorer, tranny.

12. (male) There’s also a whole way that men talk to other men about women that we don’t say in front of women. Like “Booty do,” as in “Her belly hangs out more than her booty do.”

12. It also depends who’s saying what, if someone is dressed up and they’re at all insecure about their looks adding a couple of choice adjectives about their clothing is probably the most effective thing you can say. I got into it a few months ago with a prom girl (It’s a long story and not a moment I’m proud of but if you’re going to be the straight kids at a gay club you should be respectful) but I think I made her cry when I said, “What are you wearing? It looks like a unicorn ate an a rainbow and then vomited on you. I’ve seen transgender hookers who had more fashion sense.”

13. Be creative: Ratchet is a very specific term that only has meaning in a certain community.

14. I’ve never heard dog being used to describe an ugly girl by any of my peers. I’m 20 and from NY. I mean, if someone said it, we’d know what they meant but people are more cruel than that.

15. I usually heard ugly ass bitch, bitch look hit!, stupid ass bitch, dumbass bitch.. well, you get the point. Now I’m hearing ratchet but that’s for girls that are well..ratchet

16. I’ve heard dog used. Usually “she’s dog ugly” or “ugly as a dog” though. Also “butt ugly.” Homely, busted, a bag and shagger (meaning you’d still screw her, but only with a bag over her head–lower level than butterface), and horseface are all terms I’ve heard too.

17. Or, have fun and make up your own. Like someone else said, the little things that are specific to a person sting the worst.

18. (Rare older male) To my mind, the quality of insults has gone seriously downhill of late and represents another area where the Young People really need to pull their socks up.

In my day, unreconstructed gentlemen just about kept the flame of insult alive with such gems as:- “Face like a bag of spanners” “Fugly” (fucking ugly – see what they did there?) “Hanging” “Face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle” “Munter” “Bushpig” “R.A.F” (acronym for the Royal Air Force. Also “Rough As Fuck”) “Double bagger” (in which both parties wear bags on their heads in case hers slips off) “I wouldn’t even do her with my spare.” Nowadays often rendered as “I wouldn’t even do her with yours”. In these parts, one tends to hear pig comparisons rather than dog ones nowadays.  Regards xxx

19. Yea you can say young people need to pull their socks up but what I remember is most people at school learnt their attitudes from their parents and other influential adults in their lives. So before you go yelling at young people like myself and others for being young when the young only learn what’s right and wrong to say about others from society. (Well, if you are aware of this, be an adult and reject those social bad behaviors!) 

20. Urm fugly tw*t c*nt from what I remember from school. I got it more from boys at school than girls, boys would call me stuff like ‘that fugly b*tch’ and would go loudly ‘eww who would want to sleep with THAT?’ things to undermine your confidence really if you get any, always aimed at looks and sexuality, and being sexually confident… actually not that different from the comments you get from society anyway as a woman!

21. I think he was being facetious. Let’s not let this devolve into a conversation on how degrading insults can be (they obviously are). The point of this post is ammo for the OP’s WIP. Just trying to keep things from derailing to a bad place.

22. (Rare older male) I was only joking! (Oh, sure – standard passive aggressive assertion. LOL)  We live in a society in which anyone over the age of about 35 is increasingly written off as a worthless oxygen thief*, so I quite enjoy fighting the rearguard for the middle aged farts. But I can assure you it is always done with tongue firmly in cheek!

It does, however, raise an interesting issue for the OP. Most folk can deal with straight insults, however vile the language used. A very funny comedian (forget his name – he was an American chap) was on telly the other day talking about how his teenage nephew berates him with the latest groovy street slang. The joke – almost certainly funnier because it’s true – was that all the comedian has to do is accuse his nephew of just having had a wank and he falls apart into a mumbling, red-faced mass of teen angst. What folk really can’t deal with is clever insults. Unfortunately, awkward teens are not well placed to deliver such ripostes as they rightly fear getting a kicking in return. Could the OP generate reader empathy for the character by having her imagine all sorts of clever ripostes which she wisely never vocalises for fear of violence? Regards, xxx

23. I’ve only really ever heard “dog” used in popular culture, never from a real teen. “Ugly,” “fucking ugly,” all that works. A particular insult around these parts is “cakeface” — for the type of girl who wears pounds and pounds of makeup, especially foundation. Usually implies that she’s trying to hide an ugly face.

24. …ugly as fuck? Slut? Dyke? Bitch?

25. God, I must be out of touch with my age group. But I never went to HS, so that might have something to do with it. I’ve never heard “dog” used as an insult, though. Unless it was my dad saying my room was dirtier than what a dog would live in…

26. Hmm. I’ve only ever heard “dog” used in reference to pervy, skeevy, sketchy men and boys before. Regionalisms for the win. I’m going to have to give another vote toward busted. Though it might be a little too of the moment and not have much staying power.

27. The mean people make moo sounds when the MC walks by? I’m 26 and vaguely remember being called a cow. High school is mostly blocked from my head – not a good experience.

28. (Question originator) Thanks for the replies, everyone! I’m having a hard time letting go of dog altogether, but you’re right. And off I go to think some more!

29. Sorry, just didn’t understand what you meant by this. The word dog must be a regional or even a cultural thing because where I grew up (NYC) it was definitely slang for someone who was ugly (male or female). However, I don’t think it meant we were lacking a “creative vocabulary” (Really hoping you dind’t mean that in an insulting way, but that it is how it came across) We never ever used the word horseface. Hmm… wonder if that’s because horses weren’t a common thing in NYC.

30. Busted was def a popular one and the word Nasty. Not sure what is used today, so I’m def interested to here more on this. Stank ass is another one I used to hear. Oh and the word Dog was interchangeably used to refer to someone who was a big time player.

31. You are a bit younger than me, but lets just say when I was your age (and living in NYC–Hell’s Kitchen), the word dog was used to mean ugly. guess it’s not used anymore in that way. They’ve become crueler and more creative.

32. I’m 22 and from California but when I was in high school, I heard “gross” and “busted” a lot. Also “nasty.”

33. When I heard ‘dog’ I immediately thought you meant in relation to boys, basically meaning disrespectful or just an all-round prick.

34. I certainly hope “dog” is out of date as an insult. I’ve just written a short story which depends on it. Used of a girl in this case.

35. Never heard ‘dog’ at all and ‘busted’ used to be used if you got caught out by a teacher doing something you shouldn’t. The most common words for an ugly girl were ‘minger’ (also used to describe anything bad – ‘that food was minging’) and ‘butters’ – short for ‘butt-ugly’. I’m two years out of a London school though, so it might be dated and/or regional slang.

36. (Male?) Me and my friends usually call each other “asshole”, “douchebag”, “motherfucker”. And ever since one of my friends started forcing me to work out with him, I’ve started calling him, “You son of a bitch asshole docuhebag motherfucker who will burn in hell.”  But that’s because our workout HURTs.

“Globalization” made possible by the Internet. 

“Cotton wool elf”? Ouch! That hurts…

The Scots are particularly adept…


OMG! / How to “Survive” Christmas with your terrible Asperger child

How To Survive Christmas With An Aspergers Child: 20 Tips For Parents

A day late, but such extreme prejudice toward Asperger children needs to be EXPOSED.

Mark Hutten, M.A. – Counseling Psychologist, Home-Based Family Therapist and Online Parent Coach

 Anticipation for the Aspergers (high functioning autistic) youngster is often a negative emotion that leads to overload resulting in a meltdown. Rather than having a time of “peace” and “joy,” the Aspergers youngster runs the risk of behaving like a demon-possessed maniac, creating havoc amongst his siblings, upsetting Aunt Jane, and giving you an “attitude” when you try to diplomatically reprimand him. (Scream at him)
So, how do you manage to foster some Christmas spirit amongst your family while keeping your Aspergers youngster calm and behaving appropriately?
Here are some tips:
1. Be prepared for your Aspie to hand back that present he considers “crap”. Don’t buy crappy gifts. LOL
2. Be prepared to watch that DVD you got them over and over again. Isn’t the reason that people buy DVD’s the ability to play them over and over again? 
3. Consider his dietary needs. Often at this time of year, diets go out the window. But letting your kids fill up on junk(like you do every other day of the year) is just another disruption in the routine they value so highly. Know their limitations. A few cookies won’t hurt anyone, but your youngster won’t be in a better temper having skipped the cereal he likes to have EVERY morning in favor of Grandma’s famous oven-baked egg casserole, which he hates. Children must be forced to eat food that they hate. It’s the LAW. 
4. Cut back your gift list. Have you ever had to prod your Aspergers youngster to move on to the next gift? Aspergers kids move at their own pace, and it’s often a slow one. (Apparently, there is a LAW that regulates the pace at which a person is allowed to open presents.) Some may be overwhelmed by too many things to open. Get them what THEY (not you) will like best, (I know, I know, another important social typical tradition of giving other people gifts that YOU WANT must be surrendered) and let them be content with it. Learn to be okay with your kid carrying his Nintendo DS into a corner to try out his new game while others open their gifts. You should buy yourself a robot “child” that can be programmed to do exactly what you want it to do, exactly when you want it done. 
5. Don’t be shocked if your Aspie asks everyone who gives him a gift how much it cost. !!!! Really? 
6. Don’t invite anyone over to your house that you’ve gossiped about in the past. All kids have a mind like a sponge, but your Aspie has a mind like a steal trap! Your youngster telling that uncle or mother-in-law, “Mom thinks you’re a drunk” is not conducive to a joyful occasion. HEY! It’s not your responsibility to refrain from obnoxious gossip: it’s your job to teach your children to copy your worst habits. By the way, it’s not your child’s job to “cover your ass.” 
7. Don’t make big plans for Christmas at a hotel, Holiday Park, or at Aunt Mary’s. This may be safe for some families, but your Aspergers youngster will be most comfortable at home where he can escape the mayhem of Christmas day to retreat to his sanctuary of solitude – his bedroom! Just assume that your Asperger child is the Grinch who stole Christmas – anything ‘bad’ that may happen is your Asperger child’s fault (like your mother-in-law’s drunken rampage at that swanky hotel)
 8. Don’t place any gifts under the tree until Christmas Eve (out of sight, out of mind).Really? No visual reminders that Christmas is approaching minimizes the waiting time for your Aspergers youngster. And we all know that being patient and the having the ability to wait are not usually strengths in Aspergers kids! Oh yeah! “Normal” kids NEVER get hyper-excited over gifts stacked under the Christmas tree!
9. Expect an element of ignorance from family members and friends who do not understand Aspergers behavior. If you’re having people over, try to choose those who know, understand, and like your Aspergers youngster. Translation: Don’t invite anyone to your house ever: Having an Asperger child automatically destroys your social status and ruins your life.  
10. Let him wear himself out. If your Aspie has a poor sleep pattern at night, you will be grateful when he does sleep! Why not just “drug him” with sleeping pills? 
11. Lower your expectations. The brilliant gains your Aspergers youngster has gained this year may well be lost in the holiday chaos. But remember it is HIS holiday as well as yours, and it may not resemble your own cherished childhood memories. That’s okay. A few deep breaths will go a long way. Nourish your own flexibility, and don’t expect too much flexibility from your youngster. Again: Having an Asperger child means ruination of your entire life, and – he even has the power to destroy your cherished memories of a perfect social typical childhood. 
12. Make sure all kids have the SAME number of gifts. If they have a present that was more expensive, be sure to make up the numbers with little things. There’s nothing worse than a Christmas morning meltdown. 
13. Make sure you have plenty of new batteries on hand. When you tell a youngster with Aspergers you forgot to buy the batteries, you can expect a meltdown. Really? People who give gifts that require batteries, but don’t supply them with the gift, are passive-aggressive idiots. “Here Gramma; we got you a hearing aid, but accidentally on purpose forgot the batteries. Hah, hah, hah!”
14. Make sure your day is well planned out. Just like any other day, your youngster will want order and routine to their day. He will want to know what time dinner is and who’s visiting and when. Demonstratingcourteous and considerate behavior toward a child by sharing your plans is a great burden: Thank God you don’t have to do any of that shit with a “normal” child!
15. Prepare ahead of time. Schedules will be off. Mealtimes will be different. Special events get in the way of the treasured routines that help make Aspergers kids feel safe and secure. Where possible, preserve the routine. When that’s not possible, sit down with your youngster ahead of time and explain what will be different. Use a picture schedule or a written list if this works for him. Post a calendar. And give plenty of advance notice if plans change. Wouldn’t this be a good for ALL your family members? 
16. Remove the word “Christmas” Really? Why? from your vocabulary. Simply put up the tree and decorations, cook the pudding and mince pies, send cards to friends and family, and just go shopping. Also, have a meeting with the rest of the family and ask their assistance in this area too. Oh yeah; set up a family SWAT team to deal with your Asperger child: be sure to exclude him from the conversation. 
17. Scale back the parties. For Aspies, social get-togethers can be minefields. Remembering social graces, how to look and act “normal,” striving to fit in-all these are stressful to an Aspergers youngster. And if you’re wincing, waiting for Uncle Waldo to frown at something your youngster says, your kid will feel this too. As much as possible, confine gatherings to arenas where the youngster feels comfortable and accepted. Give up any hope of having fun if you have the misfortune of having given birth to an Asperger child. Face it: Your life is ruined forever. 
18. Stay out of the stores. The Aspergers youngster craves routine and predictability. The Christmas crowd at Walmart offers neither. Many Aspergers kids are sensitive to the sensory overload of loud music, arguing customers, even Christmas light displays. Leave them at home if you possibly can. Maybe you can drop them off at the dog pound, a park or hospital, or the police station, and forget to pick them up. 
19. Visit Santa with caution! If you haven’t done so yet, be prepared if your Aspie is a non-believer. Anything could happen! He may call the man with the white beard a FAKE, laugh at his fat belly, or ask him if he has a real job. Warning: Your Asperger child is more mature than you are. 
20. When your Aspergers youngster is present, cut back on conversation about the BIG day. I know that our inner-child tends to get excited about Christmas too, but we often unthinkingly contribute to the overwhelming anticipation by relating our plans and expectations for the Christmas season to our kids as we go about our preparations.

Hope this helps!

Asperger Wedding Disaster

For more wedding madness see:

The “message” of this true story is: Never give a neurotypical “an inch” – they’ll take it as permission to ruin your life.

  1. I didn’t want to get married.
  2. Both my parents and his parents were very upset with us because my boyfriend and I were planning a 3-month trip “out west” in a van, in an unmarried state. It was the early 1970s, and this was a popular thing to do.
  3. My mother was horrified; (option A) – “If you don’t leave married, (option B) then don’t come back.”
  4. So we agreed to get married: What harm could it do? And there would be peace in both families. Hah, hah, hah.
  5. I told my mother that I’d “do it” but under certain restrictions: no more than 10 people. No church; no priest-minister-person of religion to perform the act. No “fuss” – no insanity.
  6. It was agreed to hold the ceremony at the house; eat lunch, and then “the husband” and I would immediately depart on our trip.
  7. I braced for the inevitable “pressure” to make a big deal out of the whole damn thing. It was awful: I was cheating my mother of her dream to watch me trudge down the aisle at the Episcopal church in some god-awful white “ballroom” gown and to “lie” about all that “obedience” and “forever” stuff.
  8. Of course, the process descended into (neurotypical) lies, squabbling, bickering, arm-twisting, shaming, and outrageous interference by “friends” who connived with the parents to have their favorite “Religious Guy” show up on the day of the wedding to perform the ceremony.
  9. Need I continue? Meltdown. I didn’t know back then that I was Asperger. If I had, I would have taken option “B” (under 3., above.) Which demonstrates why diagnosis and/or self-knowledge and HONESTY on everyone’s part is so important!
  10. Our nomadic 3-month trip was great: I didn’t want to “go home” to the Midwest. The “husband” did.  The “faux marriage” ended when I moved to Colorado by myself. It was great! Yippee!

“Just Say No”