Not a vacation exactly; house and dog sitting while friends are away. My dog and theirs are buddies. Compared to my 95 year-old “cabin” their house is a 5 Star hotel. Notably a DOG DOOR, a “vast screen TV” for NHL playoffs, plus Netflix. I’m marathoning not-historically-accurate historical docuseries. Lots of magazines arrive in the mail each day: Women’s Magazines, with instructions for EVERYTHING. Reminds me of the poster above. I tried scanning a couple of select “neurotypical” advice pieces, but my friends’ computer lacks almost any useable apps.
Here’s a favorite: Topic? Tricks for not thinking about work while on vacation.
“Before going on vacation, I write down what my intentions are for going on the trip.”
I might write, “I desire this to be a really rejuvenating time.” Or “I hope to be at ease when going through check-in.” I meditate on those intentions and put them on an altar in my house, which is where I put all the things I want to come to fruition. I also take crystals and stones with me. Rose quartz for love, citrine for happy energy, and carnelian, because it’s grounding. Anytime things happen on vacation that agitate me, I take out my crystals and hold them to help me stay in a restful state.” –by a “business attorney”
Other “essential” advice that warrants wasting paper, printing ink, fuel costs for delivery and USPS manpower?
How to maintain sneakers: Don’t bleach your dirty white sneaker laces. It may damage the fibers and lead to breaking. Instead, soak laces in warm water with an all-purpose bleach alternative (like OxiClean Versatile Stain Remover, $8.00; Target.com)
How to maintain a stand mixer: “Pay special attention to the nooks and crannies where bits of food and batter can get lodged….”
Gifts for grads: Whether or not her career path involves chemistry, give her a trio of scented candles in quirky chemistry lab beakers. $75.00 for 3.
Are you putting on enough sunscreen? Find out at stupidpeople.com/sunscreen
Freeing oneself from “phone addiction” – Investigate the Impulse (ACTUAL title)
According to a study by the research firm xxx, the average smartphone user touches her phone 2,617 times a day. Troolie Bonkers, a mindfulness and meditation teacher and author of “Stupid People Need to Buy My Book” advises: “Before you reach, take a deep breath. How do you feel? What is leading you to reach for the phone? Is it just habit? Loneliness? A desire to escape a particular feeling?” Taking that pause offers a sense of freedom and empowerment, so we can be more intentional about checking our phones…
“When uncomfortable feelings arise, acknowledge the emotion but accept it as normal and healthy, suggests psychiatrist ThreeHundredBucks PER30Mins, MD, author of “DIY: Fix Your Child’s Brain using Simple Electrical Kitchen Gadgets,” $39.95 Amazon.com
“You should feel good about the fact that you’re letting your brain stretch, rest, resolve a problem or work through an emotion every time you resist using your phone.”
Two things are true: 1. the American Empire is being destroyed from within by the Psych/Psych Industry. 2. There is something terribly wrong with the NT brain.
Let’s end with a feature labeled “Lists I’ve Been Meaning to Make” I KID YOU NOT:
Things to do with avocados before they go bad.
Things to do with rotten avocados.
Reasons I need to let things go.
Witty come backs I didn’t think of in time.
Ways celebrities really are just like us.
Ways they are totally not.
Vacations I will never take but like to plan.
Bikinis vs. One pieces: Pros and Cons
Gyms offering discounts for the first three visits
Another list of lists to make.