Have been cruising websites that dole out advice on what to do to “cure defiant children” (code for ASD / Asperger kids) of their “crimes against authority” behavior.
- All these “advisors” babble on about how “different” ASD kids are, but then proceed to provide “disciplinary tactics” that apply to neurotypical children.
- Somehow no one seems to “get” that immediate obedience to every “command” is not realistic, whether the child is ASD, typical, or other.
- Instant obedience to a parent’s or teacher’s command, is however, the expectation in today’s culture.
- It’s as if the child is an object, not a living being with a life of its own.
- The “excuse” of parents “being at the mercy of modern fast-paced and demanding schedules” is used over and over again. Time management is offered as a solution, rather than making the kids a priority.
- What kind of relationship can a parent have with a child, when he or she is constantly told to “hurry up, do it now” and subjected to impatience, anger, screaming and little else from their mother or father?
- How does a child feel, when it is obvious that a golf tee time or appointment at a nail salon is more important to the parent than a few moments of consideration for the child’s age and needs?
All this was very simple back in the Dark Ages, when I was a child.
- My father was King.
- My mother was his official representative when he was not present in the castle.
- All my mother had to say (not scream or shout) was, “Your father will be home at 5:00 p.m.”
At 5:00 p.m., the King arrived. Any “transgressions” during the day were calmly related by Mom and promptly addressed, but not with threats of punishment, exile to my room, physical attack, or deprivation of privileges. These were not needed.
My father would say, “Your mother is to be respected; if you don’t respect her, that hurts me.” He always backed her up. “Now go tell your mother that you’re sorry.”
By this time, I was practically in tears at having been hot-headed, stubborn, wild, or just plain stupid. Strange, how my parents used a united front and sincerity to teach us good behavior. It didn’t guarantee obedience, but my father, being Asperger, knew that often the problem was that I needed an explanation as to why he, or my mother, asked me to do something. Expecting me to jump like a scared rabbit was never expected.
Love, logic and patience, not aggression and domination, were his secret “dad” powers.