OMG! / How to “Survive” Christmas with your terrible Asperger child

How To Survive Christmas With An Aspergers Child: 20 Tips For Parents

A day late, but such extreme prejudice toward Asperger children needs to be EXPOSED.

Mark Hutten, M.A. – Counseling Psychologist, Home-Based Family Therapist and Online Parent Coach

 Anticipation for the Aspergers (high functioning autistic) youngster is often a negative emotion that leads to overload resulting in a meltdown. Rather than having a time of “peace” and “joy,” the Aspergers youngster runs the risk of behaving like a demon-possessed maniac, creating havoc amongst his siblings, upsetting Aunt Jane, and giving you an “attitude” when you try to diplomatically reprimand him. (Scream at him)
So, how do you manage to foster some Christmas spirit amongst your family while keeping your Aspergers youngster calm and behaving appropriately?
Here are some tips:
1. Be prepared for your Aspie to hand back that present he considers “crap”. Don’t buy crappy gifts. LOL
2. Be prepared to watch that DVD you got them over and over again. Isn’t the reason that people buy DVD’s the ability to play them over and over again? 
3. Consider his dietary needs. Often at this time of year, diets go out the window. But letting your kids fill up on junk(like you do every other day of the year) is just another disruption in the routine they value so highly. Know their limitations. A few cookies won’t hurt anyone, but your youngster won’t be in a better temper having skipped the cereal he likes to have EVERY morning in favor of Grandma’s famous oven-baked egg casserole, which he hates. Children must be forced to eat food that they hate. It’s the LAW. 
4. Cut back your gift list. Have you ever had to prod your Aspergers youngster to move on to the next gift? Aspergers kids move at their own pace, and it’s often a slow one. (Apparently, there is a LAW that regulates the pace at which a person is allowed to open presents.) Some may be overwhelmed by too many things to open. Get them what THEY (not you) will like best, (I know, I know, another important social typical tradition of giving other people gifts that YOU WANT must be surrendered) and let them be content with it. Learn to be okay with your kid carrying his Nintendo DS into a corner to try out his new game while others open their gifts. You should buy yourself a robot “child” that can be programmed to do exactly what you want it to do, exactly when you want it done. 
5. Don’t be shocked if your Aspie asks everyone who gives him a gift how much it cost. !!!! Really? 
6. Don’t invite anyone over to your house that you’ve gossiped about in the past. All kids have a mind like a sponge, but your Aspie has a mind like a steal trap! Your youngster telling that uncle or mother-in-law, “Mom thinks you’re a drunk” is not conducive to a joyful occasion. HEY! It’s not your responsibility to refrain from obnoxious gossip: it’s your job to teach your children to copy your worst habits. By the way, it’s not your child’s job to “cover your ass.” 
7. Don’t make big plans for Christmas at a hotel, Holiday Park, or at Aunt Mary’s. This may be safe for some families, but your Aspergers youngster will be most comfortable at home where he can escape the mayhem of Christmas day to retreat to his sanctuary of solitude – his bedroom! Just assume that your Asperger child is the Grinch who stole Christmas – anything ‘bad’ that may happen is your Asperger child’s fault (like your mother-in-law’s drunken rampage at that swanky hotel)
 8. Don’t place any gifts under the tree until Christmas Eve (out of sight, out of mind).Really? No visual reminders that Christmas is approaching minimizes the waiting time for your Aspergers youngster. And we all know that being patient and the having the ability to wait are not usually strengths in Aspergers kids! Oh yeah! “Normal” kids NEVER get hyper-excited over gifts stacked under the Christmas tree!
9. Expect an element of ignorance from family members and friends who do not understand Aspergers behavior. If you’re having people over, try to choose those who know, understand, and like your Aspergers youngster. Translation: Don’t invite anyone to your house ever: Having an Asperger child automatically destroys your social status and ruins your life.  
10. Let him wear himself out. If your Aspie has a poor sleep pattern at night, you will be grateful when he does sleep! Why not just “drug him” with sleeping pills? 
11. Lower your expectations. The brilliant gains your Aspergers youngster has gained this year may well be lost in the holiday chaos. But remember it is HIS holiday as well as yours, and it may not resemble your own cherished childhood memories. That’s okay. A few deep breaths will go a long way. Nourish your own flexibility, and don’t expect too much flexibility from your youngster. Again: Having an Asperger child means ruination of your entire life, and – he even has the power to destroy your cherished memories of a perfect social typical childhood. 
12. Make sure all kids have the SAME number of gifts. If they have a present that was more expensive, be sure to make up the numbers with little things. There’s nothing worse than a Christmas morning meltdown. 
13. Make sure you have plenty of new batteries on hand. When you tell a youngster with Aspergers you forgot to buy the batteries, you can expect a meltdown. Really? People who give gifts that require batteries, but don’t supply them with the gift, are passive-aggressive idiots. “Here Gramma; we got you a hearing aid, but accidentally on purpose forgot the batteries. Hah, hah, hah!”
14. Make sure your day is well planned out. Just like any other day, your youngster will want order and routine to their day. He will want to know what time dinner is and who’s visiting and when. Demonstratingcourteous and considerate behavior toward a child by sharing your plans is a great burden: Thank God you don’t have to do any of that shit with a “normal” child!
15. Prepare ahead of time. Schedules will be off. Mealtimes will be different. Special events get in the way of the treasured routines that help make Aspergers kids feel safe and secure. Where possible, preserve the routine. When that’s not possible, sit down with your youngster ahead of time and explain what will be different. Use a picture schedule or a written list if this works for him. Post a calendar. And give plenty of advance notice if plans change. Wouldn’t this be a good for ALL your family members? 
16. Remove the word “Christmas” Really? Why? from your vocabulary. Simply put up the tree and decorations, cook the pudding and mince pies, send cards to friends and family, and just go shopping. Also, have a meeting with the rest of the family and ask their assistance in this area too. Oh yeah; set up a family SWAT team to deal with your Asperger child: be sure to exclude him from the conversation. 
17. Scale back the parties. For Aspies, social get-togethers can be minefields. Remembering social graces, how to look and act “normal,” striving to fit in-all these are stressful to an Aspergers youngster. And if you’re wincing, waiting for Uncle Waldo to frown at something your youngster says, your kid will feel this too. As much as possible, confine gatherings to arenas where the youngster feels comfortable and accepted. Give up any hope of having fun if you have the misfortune of having given birth to an Asperger child. Face it: Your life is ruined forever. 
18. Stay out of the stores. The Aspergers youngster craves routine and predictability. The Christmas crowd at Walmart offers neither. Many Aspergers kids are sensitive to the sensory overload of loud music, arguing customers, even Christmas light displays. Leave them at home if you possibly can. Maybe you can drop them off at the dog pound, a park or hospital, or the police station, and forget to pick them up. 
19. Visit Santa with caution! If you haven’t done so yet, be prepared if your Aspie is a non-believer. Anything could happen! He may call the man with the white beard a FAKE, laugh at his fat belly, or ask him if he has a real job. Warning: Your Asperger child is more mature than you are. 
20. When your Aspergers youngster is present, cut back on conversation about the BIG day. I know that our inner-child tends to get excited about Christmas too, but we often unthinkingly contribute to the overwhelming anticipation by relating our plans and expectations for the Christmas season to our kids as we go about our preparations.

Hope this helps!

4 thoughts on “OMG! / How to “Survive” Christmas with your terrible Asperger child

  1. Every time I read ‘more Normie B.S’ regarding autists, I’m reminded of Vaknin’s supposition: “the reason (I disrecall if he said ‘only reason’ or ‘chief reason’; the latter situation seems more likely) parents have children , is to provide themselves with ***narcissistic supply***.”

    Given the documented behaviors of pathological narcissists, and the many parallels between Normdom’s behaviors toward autists, it seems that such behaviors come from a strongly Narcissistic mindset (on the part of Normdom, in its’ relations toward autists ***and other ‘lesser beings’***).

    I’m not the only one who’s noticed this similarity (in terms of observable behaviors), which is why one might well think of most Norms having a less-intense and far-more-selecive version of NPD (toward those they see as ‘not-Normal/ not-human. Other Normies get a pass, as a rule)


  2. Our daughter has been diagnosed with autism, something more than asperger’s, and is five. This is the first Christmas that she “got” that she was supposed to unwrap the presents and they were for her.

    We had to tell her that she had to wait a few days to open the presents after we put them under the tree, but I thought that was normal for five year olds. My mother never put the presents out before Christmas Day. She seems quite satisfied with fewer presents than I remember getting, but getting one or two presents on the holidays was the norm for human history and if the toys are good they should be happy with only one or two of them. So I really don’t see the difficulty.


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