One of the significant complaints by “experts” in education and psychology is that although Asperger types have “word skills” from an early age, these skills don’t count because we don’t use language to meet “social standards”. These standards mainly apply to fiction-writing: narratives, hierarchical presentations, Sunday School lessons on how not to offend “the social gods”. People-centered stories of fall from grace and return to the social fold.
Asperger types don’t understand or follow “formulas” presented to us by teachers in elementary school and the tired cliché instructions on how and what to write that are repeated throughout twelve years of standard American education, and include courses that are labeled as creative writing, (which from personal experience) are about how to successfully copy the “styles and fads” current in mass publishing.
So much for free speech. So much for how life actually proceeds as a complex unfolding of events; the result of chance, coincidence, and the archaic beliefs of “dead people”, but also the application of science and technology. Discovery of non-socially-contrived forces and patterns is not allowed; anything worth reading must be arranged, however falsely, to reinforce myths about how human beings are “supposed to be”. American literature is lesson-heavy religious literature, dominated by Original Sin, whichever genre is selected for expression.
The average American is so bereft of experience with reading “world” literature, and fears contamination by other cultures so intently, that he or she must be told by authority figures what is safe to read.
Texts about redemption from social failure are always popular: the correct diet and cooking regimes; the correct way to cheat age and death, the correct wardrobe, hairstyle, make up, accessories and language for successful social interactions; the socially acceptable demonstration of testosterone-driven behavior; the reliance on miracles and other secrets of supernatural power, and of course public confessions-penance-apologies by celebrities about their addiction, recovery, finding Jesus and / or a high-social-dividend charity cause. The easy path to wealth, of course and related blah, blah, blah is ever-present.
Exciting people are rare, and writers who can do them justice are more rare.
So what we have instead are Social Reality TV shows. The message propagated by these escapades seems to be that the behavior of human beings worth observing and copying lies outside any reasonable definition of adult behavior; the “subjects” of these televised experiments are stupid and obnoxious; indeed are embarrassingly crude and violent narcissists, regardless of “social status”. The result is the same old class system message: the rich are rewarded, admired, and get away with quasi-criminal acts; the poor are ridiculed as “human trash” to be harassed and kept in their place at the bottom of the pyramid by law enforcement.
But there is an even more serious implication in the social dominance system of who may speak and who may not.
No one outside of the restricted domain of media attention, which is dictated by the 1% of predators at the top, will be heard.
The people, ideas, activities, behaviors, traditions, personal thoughts and desires; their physical environments and cultural riches are hidden, indeed banned from American neurotypical awareness; like Dark Matter, the true content of the human universe remains unknown.
* Posted by SALVE© Karen Rodman (a psychologist) 2013 Founder and Director FAAAS Inc. Website: “The Truth About Aspergers” (see source of this list at bottom)
Mature Developmental Milestones / Neurotypicals:
From Psychology Today: Delusional disorder refers to a condition in which an individual displays one or more delusions for one month or longer. Delusional disorder is distinct from schizophrenia and cannot be diagnosed if a person meets the criteria for schizophrenia. If a person has delusional disorder, functioning is generally not impaired and behavior is not obviously odd, with the exception of the delusion. Delusions may seem believable at face value, and patients may appear normal as long as an outsider does not touch upon their delusional themes. Also, these delusions are not due to a medical condition or substance abuse.
http://www.icdl.com/DIR/6-developmental-milestones ICDL (An Autism Organization) – From the site:
DIR® has a deep foundation in the science of human development and can sound very technical at times. However, it is also very simple. It is a way to understand our children and each other that builds connections, understanding, love, communication, and engagement. Through this approach, the true potential of each person can be discovered.
Daniel Goleman / psychologist (GOOGLE) (born March 7, 1946) is an author and science journalist. For twelve years, he wrote for The New York Times, reporting on the brain and behavioral sciences. His 1995 book Emotional Intelligence was on The New York Times Best Seller list for a year-and-a-half, a best-seller in many countries, and is in print worldwide in 40 languages. Apart from his books on emotional intelligence, Goleman has written books on topics including self-deception, creativity, transparency, meditation, social and emotional learning, ecoliteracy and the ecological crisis, and the Dalai Lama’s vision for the future.
DNA analysis shows that prehistoric cave paintings of horses were realistic depictions of the Paleolithic environment, including the leopard-spotted horse.
Long thought by many as possible abstract or symbolic expressions as opposed to representations of real animals, the famous Paleolithic horse paintings found in caves such as Lascaux and Chauvet in France likely reflect what the prehistoric humans actually saw in their natural environment, suggest researchers who conducted a recent DNA study.
“However, our research removes the need for any symbolic explanation of the horses. People drew what they saw, and that gives us greater confidence in understanding Paleolithic depictions of other species as naturalistic illustrations.”
They did access interior cave chambers – a feat that was at times astounding, in order to teach hunting and survival skills to the kids; to teach them animal behavior, hunting strategies, teamwork and safety, and which animals were seasonally available and where – which is what hunters still do.
This was done visually – an obvious fact. Real “hunts” were portrayed as “picture stories” which could be referred to again and again to impart critical information on hunting behavior that was successful, and behavior that was fatal. Doing this in a cave (a literal visio-spatial “model” for mammalian reproduction anatomy) not only protected the actual drawings, (they are still present many thousands of years later) but encouraged the earth to “birth” new animals to replace those that die. Pregnant animals are featured: is this a “conservation” reminder to not kill females that are about to increase and perpetuate a prey species, a common prohibition today? Human bodies were left in caves, notably with red pigment – literally blood – the skeletons meant perhaps to supply “mother earth with “scaffolds” or models on which to build new “people”. It can be noted that the “origin” stories of many human groups claim that their ancestors emerged from the earth’s interior, an idea in accordance with cave, and cave burial activities. As “culture” collected, artificial caves – mounds, pyramids, temples and “whole body” burials and tombs sufficed where no caves existed.
Was this a “supernatural activity”? I think not. Reverence for the animals came from absolute necessity, stress and fear and similar status in the animal environment; humans were in as much danger of injury, predation and sudden death as all the other creatures in the food chain. Hunting large animals with “up close” weaponry was no joke: this “identification” of “being in the same boat” as the animals was true empathy, which engendered respect for life, not insincere socially-prescribed clichés as empathy is defined today.
The location of “spirits” (natural physical, chemical and biological forces as observed in movement, change, metamorphosis, growth and decay, could be observed in every animal, plant and object; across the sky, ocean, and land. The world of sense and perception is an interactive system: this is and was true for all living forms. These physical forces were properly seen to “live” in prominent landmarks, springs, streams and lakes, and in unusually-shaped, patterned or colored pebbles; in shells, bones, or other “curious” artifacts found in the environment; collecting these force-containing objects” is the concrete expression of human experience and observation. Material properties, shapes, forms and patterns do have “power” – to teach; to become useful as tools and sources of food, medicine, clothing, shelter and confidence that challenges may be met and overcome through creative use of what is provided by the environment. This potential for utility offers “real” magic: invention.
(Supernatural magic retains the object, or a “copy” of its form, but attributes personal power to whomever possesses the “object” – power achieved by the devotee’s recitation of charms, spells, prayers and ritual actions believed to “seal the deal”. Words are believed to possess power and to corner the power for one’s own use. This principle is blatantly active in the never-ending obsession to find the Holy Grail, the Arc of the Covenant, and myriad other objects, (and LOL) in the “quest” by archaeologists to “dig up, possess and identify” cultural artifacts, thus gaining “ownership” of archaic knowledge. The “interpretation” of a suspiciously high percentage of what archeaologists identify as “sacred ritual religious or spiritual objects”) only adds to the “power” gained; naming and describing confers “ownership” of magic power. Countless peoples have experienced this “appropriation” over the history of Western archaeological activity.
Words have redefined human experience, as an enclosed and limited “supernatural” version of existence; the body (and all physical processes and forms) is believed to be an “illusion” that disguises a hidden “real universe” in which infantile desire dictates a narcissistic “scheme” that defies all reason. Physical reality is no longer the source for the observable environment; an imaginary mental “state” of self-centeredness is given credence as the creative realm. This inversion of cause and effect exists ONLY in the modern human mind, and results in incredible misinterpretation about what the concrete “wild human” brain functioned.
I came across this site (Beyond Kindness There Lies Harmony) while looking for information on “trance” states in autism and Asperger’s. The site is about a method to treat behavior syndromes in dogs. I’m looking for ideas from outside the “autism industry”, and this person’s analysis “resonates” with my experience and observations.
Folk knowledge is an arena fraught with myth, fantasy, supernatural belief, hearsay, awkward repetition of “strange stories” etc, but it is also the domain where one finds the human brain-mind-culture feedback to remain active, whereas the so-called “experts” become more and more deeply imprisoned by their own systematic dogma.
To find clarity we must observe human behavior as a creation of the brain as it interacts with the environment over the period of childhood. This attention to organic growth presents a “humane” view of human behavior, and is the needed antidote to the cruelty of a “mechanistic prescriptive psychological plan” for conformity to a rigid and imaginary child developmental path that serves a hierarchical social system.
(My Comments in gray) Text tweaked to make it more coherent)
Can we not substitute child for “animal” in the following statements, and parent, caregiver, teacher, and therapist for “owner”?
It is one of the saddest things I personally find to have to deal with to meet an animal that has entirely shut down within itself and is no longer able to make attention energy exchange based relationships with others. Autism is a rainbow scale of a naturally existing neurological function, not an on and off switch – and autistic behaviors in animals are often, and once again, very sadly, mistaken for “being stubborn” or “willful” or “disobedient”.
As autistic animals cannot provide the owners with “attention energy” (as they are trapped within themselves), the owners may actually go through attention seeking escalations that can end up with attacking the creature just so it will take notice, to respond and to acknowledge the owner’s existence.. And demand for instant obedience!
This is incredibly important for understanding the abuse and cruelty aimed at children in many cultures (in fact a parenting “style” common in the U.S.) not only toward ASD types, and those labeled-diagnosed as mentally ill, developmentally defective, or otherwise disabled, but minority children who are prejudged as “problem children”.
Trance Behaviours & Repetitive Behaviours
A safety mechanism of any social creature’s neurological set up is to induce autistic-like deep trance states to protect themselves from the systemic catastrophe.
· Repetitive rocking in small human and monkey babies who are left to themselves,
· head weaving in elephants and horses,
· flank sucking in Dobermans,
· shadow chasing and tail chasing in collies,
· crib chewing in horses,
· pacing endlessly in a ritualistic way in caged cats
… are just amongst the many, many examples of this. In pet dogs, spaniels and crosses thereof are highly pre-disposed to enter these trance states in moments of stress and there are many variations on the theme.
Self-mutilation and ritual howling/vocal expressions also lead to the security of a deep trance state where the individual may find respite from external environmental conditions that have become unbearable – these external conditions being a system-wide short fall of energy of the correct kind to re-balance the stressed and overwhelmed creature.
It is my supposition that the individual creature’s choice of which route into trance they will take is a mixture of genetic pre-disposition and chance; I have seen many animals who have developed a chance behavior into a ritual, and the behaviors may seem quite bizarre to an unsuspecting onlooker; the behaviors are, indeed, secondary to the trance state that they induce.
Note how attention–seeking disorders have become a serious social problem. Extreme need for attention (narcissism) has been revealed by the availability of “smart” phone social technologies and apps, the existence of which has expanded exponentially, and with it, an attention-seeking epidemic: Viral is the word correctly used to describe this mass disorder.
The Harmony Programme In Brief
Let us back up and go through the main points of the energetic circumstances and causes and effect of “attention seeking behavior disorders” in mammals (this includes people) step by step.
1. There is a form of energy that is exchanged between social creatures that is derived from the attention of another. This attention is focused, direct and involves eye contact, no matter how fleetingly this takes place. See post on human thermodynamics:
2. This energy form is as important to a social creature as is sleep, or food. In experiments, primate babies died when attention was withheld (although the babies were fed and physically taken care of ). Adults develop severe behavior disturbances including rage, deep trance type repetitive behaviors, antisocial behaviors and autistic behaviors under similar conditions. In the U.S., the “helping, caring, fixing industry” is controlled by psychologists, psychiatrists and Big Pharma, these “disturbances” are labeled “mental illnesses” that are blamed on the individual.
Note how the “take over” of parenting by government programs, agencies, and policy institutions, has focused on “feeding children minimal amounts of food to sustain life” while denying children the stable family environments children need by actively promoting economic and social inequality. Distribution of minimally nutritious “junk food leftovers” is a political gesture that feeds high profits to corporate food producers. Real nutrition is absent.
No attention is paid to the impoverished environments children endure; to true education, to proper care by parents and community. It’s the traditional American attitude: A human being is like a house plant. Ignore it: If it doesn’t grow and thrive, say, “We tried everything – These people are simply hopeless.” Invoke the “survival of the fittest” distortion of evolution, which continues to legitimize racism and discrimination.
3. Western adults have been trained from birth to withhold attention, especially when it is being “demanded” (by infant animals and human children as a necessary behavior for survival) – a learned response due to their own energetic attention needs having been repeatedly ignored and left unfulfilled when young.
Abusive Old Testament-style parenting is entrenched in American culture: a child-hating theory of child development that prohibits nurturing of babies in the proper and natural way. See post: how hunter-gatherers raise their children – with kindness and tolerance.
4. Companion animals (children) vary widely in how great their tolerance is to being denied “enough attention energy”.
Junk food, toys, TV and video games – cartoons and violent films, neglect, and beatings, are not a substitute for parental attention and engagement.
It seems to be specific to an individual if their first choice response to a shortfall of this form energy is withdrawal towards autism or escalating fiercely in their “attention seeking behaviours” before systemic collapse and those, too, falling into autism. I think what the author is trying to say is this: Individual children are predisposed to react in different ways to deprivation of healthy and caring attention; either by “withdrawal” (autism) or by “battle” until exhaustion and collapse are the result.
5. Attention Energy is Attention Energy – in general, creatures do not seem to care one way or the other if the attention energy they receive is of the loving or of the non-loving kind. (I highly disagree with this contention, but do agree that) among Western parents and caretakers, living things find it far easier to obtain negative attention by responding with disturbing, annoying and ”naughty” behaviors, than to elicit positive attention. Indeed, a great many caretakers “train” their animals into ever more outrageous behaviors by failing to give positive attention and secondly, by ignoring escalations of negative behaviors when they are still fairly mild.
This pernicious American “strategy” of rewarding negative behavior with punishment instead of consistent “being present and caring” comes directly from religious tradition now hiding as psychological theory; a shallow reward-punishment scheme that seeks to merely enforce external control (whether by punishment or psychoactive drugging) that has “taken over” control of child-rearing, education, employment, personal relationships, and all aspects of social behavior in the U.S. It’s the same old vicious patriarchal religious system, which in practice, encourages conformity, child abuse, elevation of socio-psychopathic behavior in “leadership” and perpetual conflict over social status.
6. Focusing attention on escalating negative behavior in the beginning, not only stops the escalation, but over the long term, “heals” the individual and re-sets their energetic exchanges to a natural sociable state.
A bit too optimistic? How does one peel back generations of “child abuse” as the “norm” in parenting? What about epigenetics; pre-birth trauma, and an entire socio-cultural environment of indoctrination that enforces abusive social policies as an absolute requirement for social order?
7. With the energy system balanced, a creature truly blossoms and becomes more self-assured, self-balanced and will gain access to (unconscious and healthy) resources for problem solving, interaction, communication, thought and experience that were previously out of reach.
I would claim that Asperger “withdrawal” (as I experience it) allows for access to these unconscious resources, which are “naturally” available to visual thinkers! But, without positive interaction and interest from other humans, the fruits of these endeavors too often whither and die in terms of socially-expressed forms.
With this part of the energy system balanced, an individual will be radically better placed to face any kind of stress challenge including showing a greater tolerance to environmental poisons, toxic energy systems and all immune system stressors.
I do not agree that environmental shocks, toxins, and chronic damage can be “overcome” by the individual human body and immune system. Poison is poison; bacteria, heavy metals, contaminants in water and air are now too widespread and pervasive to ignore: the mutations, deformities and physical vulnerabilities to disrupted environments and global climate change, is well-documented in plant an animal species worldwide. It is only human arrogance that denies our equal vulnerability to disaster.
Unfortunately, no attempt at balance is made in “dealing with” Asperger and other “socially-condemned” nonconforming humans. We are systematically “excluded from humanity” and from meaningful participation in society; instead of “help” from the “helping, caring, fixing” industry, subjective opinion is presented as fact: deviance from a rigidly described (and imaginary) “normal human” is pathologized. Special (even gifted) talents are demonized as symptoms of “disorder”. Bullying is encouraged, prejudice reinforced, and lies are told.)
Love, Not War – Turning The Dog (CHILD) Training World Upside Down
Back in 1993, I formulated the “appalling” idea, based on my theoretical musings and practical observations, that instead of playing power games with a companion animal, one should try and give positive attention right away, as soon as the animal would indicate a need by small behaviors, such as coming up, looking at the owner, or trying to make contact in any other shape or form.
This contradicted everything I had ever been taught or learned to do; for example, it was common practice to let small puppies howl and cry all night until “they had learned that no-one would come” (prevalent parenting advice also) and “thus never to reward this appalling attention-seeking behavior”.
So it must be said that it was not without trepidation that I began to experiment in earnest and put my theory to the test. (see website for more)
HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON’T GO AWAY? by Eldon Hunt
For all the guys I left behind….
Comments on Western Civilization and U.S. culture in particular.
We actually hear this word used less and less, and its meaning is increasingly narrow: something little kids do with crayons, and limited to copying animated movie, video game and comic book characters. Adults are creative if they buy a scrapbook kit to document their daily routine in old-fashioned style; try recipes that contain exotic ingredients (which are standard fare in other areas of the globe) or amass a wardrobe of designer fakes. That covers women; I don’t know what men do to express themselves. Buy another gun perhaps?
Adults are today enticed by the word innovation: “Be an innovator,” commercials say. But the “story” that is used to demonstrate innovation too often is centered on selling cupcakes with blue icing and sprinkles, via the internet, to people all over the globe – one day delivery, which adds to the continued burning of fossil fuels, global warming and the amount trash that must be disposed of – and fulfills the wish of one or two people to become rich. (Sorry – to pursue their passion for serving humanity through innovative marketing of cupcakes.)
Innovation (in the U.S.) is directed toward new ways to part people and their money. Often this has been done by offering useful products, but contemporary innovation is likely to focus on rebranding the same old manufactured food product as “Green” “Organic” or “Natural” on revised packaging and advertising New Look! What an asinine label, as if new packaging actually improves the product; it is most commonly employed to disguise a downgrade in product quality. Or adding “profit gimmicks” (apps) to what were once gadgets (cell phones) that are meant to improve communication. American capitalism runs on one concept: You can always fool the American consumer.
Okay – this is all status quo and Americans have been cheating people (Native Americans in particular) since Jamestown and Plymouth Colony. (Actually, these were English people.) Prior to that, the Age of Exploration was fueled by greed and only incidentally by scientific curiosity in the service of greed. The imagination I’m talking about is not concerned with “dreams” “fantasies” or Vaudeville entertainment rebranded as “deep human insight” –
The imagination that I long to see is the ability for a person or group to “see” reality. In this case, archaic humans. The human being inside the skull; not the brain size, face shape, dentition or scattered stone flakes, but how they perceived their world. Not our world; theirs. Not as we would see their world if they were an imitation of us, which is what we certainly search for among the bones. Narcissism prevails: Where are we, Evolutionary Messiahs, in this jumble of refuse on ancient cave floors? Surely there are signs of our coming? After all, we are better, smarter, healthier and more important to the universe than any of these misshapen troglodytes and mumblers, none of whom are really fit to be our ancestors. Surely accounting systems, bureaucracies, military expenditures and weapons are more important than whatever came before.
What is required to imagine reality? Intellectual Empathy – not for our in-group, who are people just like us in birth and class and wealth and appearance and beliefs, but the ability to shed our self-centered orientation; to imagine living contexts and the human being shaped by that context. It’s empathy without a suitcase, instructions or travel plans. Intellectual imagination = empathy that is deeper and more sustainable than “Empathy Bear feels your Pain.”
Could marrying someone with Asperger’s syndrome be one way to ensure a long and happy partnership? Some couples seem to think so. This subhead is a “deception” written to make the reader think, Wow! Maybe this is (at last) a POSITIVE article about Asperger relationships.
Let’s read on…. “complimentary” statements highlighted in orange…This is a passive aggressive “magic word trick” that allows negative statements to be freely inserted. It’s the typical “black vs. white” “positive vs. negative” tactic that Neurotypicals ADORE, because of their belief that “positive words” cancel “negative words”. They actually think that they are being “clever”.
Hannah Bushell-Walsh’s husband was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome two years ago, after the couple had already been married several years. The happy couple now have two children together. Bushwell-Walsh recalls an incident at Center Parcs, when Steve interrupted a peaceful pottery session with an outburst in which he furiously protested at the “lack of rules” in the recreational village. See? The ‘Happy couple’ compliment is meant to cancel out the actual “mean girl” point – the extreme negative “social no-no” of his action. It also leaves the reader wondering, “What’s wrong with this woman that she can say she’s happy with this Asperger Bozo?
A few weeks later he was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome. Of course!!!!
The pair dated for eight years before marrying, meeting when Hannah was aged 28 whilst Steve was 23-years-old.
“I liked him immediately,” she told the Daily Mail, praising Steve’s kind and genuine nature. Positive words – but now “tainted” by the implication, “Is this woman crazy?”
“Soon, I realised there was a dichotomy between Steve’s public and private selves,” she explains. “He was confident in an intimate setting, particularly when chatting one-to-one, but when he was in a loud and busy place, such as a restaurant, he’d retreat — almost closing down.” However, she insists that his most admirable traits are as a result of his disorder rather than in spite of it. Bushwell-Walsh praises her husband’s ability to open up her children’s eyes in ways that she cannot due to lack of patience. Get ready: Nicey-nicey words that deliver nasty results: Not even the “best” aspects of being Asperger can “cancel out” the horror of this syndrome.
Despite confessing to his wife before their wedding that he was petrified about being the centre of attention, Steve reportedly handled the proceedings brilliantly. The mother of two explained how he cracked jokes in his wedding speech and recounted several humorous anecdotes. See! Asperger’s can “fake” being normal when they want to.
Whilst she has suspicions that their daughter Belle might be somewhere on the autism spectrum due to her penchant for organisation, (the “one-symptom” is enough for a diagnosis stupidity) she insists that her soft-natured personality and intelligence are the things that make her most like her father. The actual point being made is that “reproduction” with an Asperger will result in “defective” children. Or in Neurotypical terms: Asperger’s is a supernatural curse, transmitted by contagious contamination of “blood lines”.
However, another woman reveals how throughout her 42-year marriage, she has struggled to come to terms with her husband’s Asperger’s, which was only diagnosed several years ago. Martyrdom, here we come….
In an anonymous post on Autism.org, the mother explained that the husband is incapable of empathy and physical intimacy.
“He is happy to do any job which needs doing,” she writes, “driving any family member anywhere they need to go, repairing anything broken, assisting one of the children or animals after an accident. (He’s a handy servant, essentially) But when I fell off a high ledge in the garden onto gravel and both my knees were pouring with blood, all he said was “You better get up now.” He made no attempt to comfort or help me.”
Her husband has been predominantly asexual throughout their relationship and apparently shows very little interest in any physical signs of affection. She didn’t notice this 42 years ago.
“So much of my relationship with my husband has been tainted by our lack of emotional communication and the recriminations (whose: his or hers?) arising from it: feelings of responsibility, disappointment, my anger at his complete control of our relationship, his fear of my anger (physical or psychological abuse on her part?) feelings of inadequacy on both our parts, and mutual failure of understanding,” she confesses. Full blown martyrdom! Why does she remain in the relationship, without a glimmer of responsibility – that is, What is she getting out of this dysfunctional relationship? Someone to “beat up on” and blame? A handy “servant” who takes care of her and the children, but asks little in return? What are her problems around “sex”?
By managing her expectations and accepting her husband’s disorder, the anonymous wife insists that she is content in her relationship, but occasionally fantasises (Brit for fantasizes) about the idea of a love affair. WOW! This is astounding!
From early childhood, people with Asperger’s syndrome are less likely to recognise and understand thoughts, beliefs, desires and intentions of other people in order to make sense of their behaviour,” writes Tony Attwood in Relationship Problems of Adults with Asperger’s Syndrome, explaining how this will severely inhibit an Aspies’ ability to sustain successful relationships. It’s always the Asperger’s fault: neurotypicals are never poor at establishing and maintaining relationships.
Love will always be a confusing emotion to those suffering from Asperger’s, he adds. “Someone with Asperger’s syndrome may actually perceive expressions of affection as aversive experiences, and a hug as an uncomfortable squeeze that restricts movement, and they can become confused or over-whelmed when expected to demonstrate and enjoy relatively modest expressions of affection.”
Whilst touching tales like Bushell-Walsh’s are hugely inspiring, (nicey-nicey words reappear as a set up to TOTAL NEGATION of any positive Asperger qualities and abilities) but as a it seems that they might be a rarity, given the typical traits of Aspies that make it incredibly difficult to maintain a healthy relationship. Forget it: they’re broken.
The implication, as always, is that Neurotypical – Neurotypical relationships are de facto “healthy, happy, socially successful, and dominated by great sex, normal children and abundant expressions of affection; empathy and superior understanding, co-operation, perfect parenting…..”
‘Steve is all you could ever want from a husband’
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Could marrying someone with Asperger’s syndrome be one way to ensure a long and happy partnership? Some couples seem to think so.
Hannah Bushell-Walsh’s husband was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome two years ago, after the couple had already been married several years. The happy couple now have two children together.
Bushwell-Walsh recalls an incident at Center Parcs, when Steve interrupted a peaceful pottery session with an outburst in which he furiously protested at the “lack of rules” in the recreational village.
A few weeks later he was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome.
The pair dated for eight years before marrying, meeting when Hannah was aged 28 whilst Steve was 23-years-old.
“I liked him immediately,” she told the Daily Mail, praising Steve’s kind and genuine nature.
“Soon, I realised there was a dichotomy between Steve’s public and private selves,” she explains. “He was confident in an intimate setting, particularly when chatting one-to-one, but when he was in a loud and busy place, such as a restaurant, he’d retreat — almost closing down.”
However, she insists that his most admirable traits are as a result of his disorder rather than in spite of it.
Despite confessing to his wife before their wedding that he was petrified about being the centre of attention, Steve reportedly handled the proceedings brilliantly. The mother of two explained how he cracked jokes in his wedding speech and recounted several humorous anecdotes.
Whilst she has suspicions that their daughter Belle might be somewhere on the autism spectrum due to her penchant for organisation, she insists that her soft-natured personality and intelligence are the things that make her most like her father.
However, another woman reveals how throughout her 42-year marriage, she has struggled to come to terms with her husband’s Asperger’s, which was only diagnosed several ago.
In an anonymous post on Autism.org, the mother explained that he husband is incapable of empathy and physical intimacy.
“He is happy to do any job which needs doing,” she writes, “driving any family member anywhere they need to go, repairing anything broken, assisting one of the children or animals after an accident. (He’s a handy servant to have on staff, essentially) But when I fell off a high ledge in the garden onto gravel and both my knees were pouring with blood, all he said was “You better get up now.” He made no attempt to comfort or help me.”
Her husband has been predominantly asexual throughout their relationship and apparently shows very little interest in any physical signs of affection.
“So much of my relationship with my husband has been tainted by our lack of emotional communication and the recriminations arising from it: feelings of responsibility, disappointment, my anger at his complete control of our relationship, his fear of my anger, feelings of inadequacy on both our parts, and mutual failure of understanding,” she confesses.
By managing her expectations and accepting her husband’s disorder, the anonymous wife insists that she is content in her relationship, but occasionally fantasises about the idea of a love affair.