Adult AS discussion about Asperger individuals having a talent for setting off “typical” humans, specifically, becoming targets for bullies and the recipients of angry responses from “nice” people.
Edited and paraphrased to protect identities.
Topic: It seems that being Asperger’s means that I have SUCKER tattooed across my forehead. Anyone else agree? Any advice?
Me too – since the day I was born and the result has been a very difficult life.
Aspies seem strange to other people: people fear what they don’t understand. The sad thing is, most Aspies are honest and sensitive and pay attention to other people and their needs. Guess this is what makes us so strange. The normal majority are not honest or sensitive to other people’s needs. We are strange because we love and care. We are hated because we are non violent; honesty and fairness make us unpredictable and that intimidates the average SOB. There is no way we can change ourselves to be as mean as most NTs.
It will be a long wait until society gets better and can make room for honest and intelligent people with good intentions. It could be a very long wait.
Asperger’s can put you at higher risk for this sort of thing (bullying, deception) but unfortunately (or I guess fortunately if it helps you feel better) anyone with low self esteem and poor social skills, and not Asperger’s, is at risk for all of those things. Also, I would bet that these so called “normal” people are only acting nice because society pushes them to be. Anyone who is a bully will bully lots of people, but they feel safe doing it to people like Asperger’s. Bullies aren’t nice people who are being mean, they are cowards being mean to people who won’t fight back.
Very true – “nice” people gave me hell most of my life. Nice normal people get angry at my very prescence in a room. It is hell to deal with our very complicated soul, while at the same time having to be confronted by unjustified cruelty in the normal social environment. But is there a solution ?
I stay away from people as much as it is possible. it’s very hard, sad, and lonely but at least I’m alive and I don’t get beat up.
I do whatever “works”. I don’t care about being “socially appropriate”. Is there a reason to be ethical around unethical people, who create corrupt systems? Wouldn’t it be more unethical to allow them to get away with being unfair? Doing what is effective is only logical.
I also have never cared about what is considered to “socially appropriate” behavior because underhanded tactics are what is be socially appropriate. To play the game – to inspire fear or to manipulate people – is not something I’ll recommend to Aspies as it doesn’t fit our personality.
NTs are good at and like manipulating people because they seek power above anything else. Most Aspies don’t care about that stuff: power is for idiots
I don’t want power over people or social status. I want do as I please, as long as it’s fair, which isn’t always possible. My experience is that an Aspie must use strategic thinking to break free of the malevolent actions and unjust rules that NTs use to attack a person with ASD.
You know how hard it is to “read” NTs, and how their behaviour is so confusing? It’s the same for many NTs too, but we’re that lone nail that stands out from the masses. I don’t understand bullying, but I know it’s a survival thing, like an animal picking out the weakest in the litter and kicking it out. But, since humans don’t live in the forest and stuff, there’s nowhere for “one of us” to go – we become withdrawn, even die, or stay and try to take the blows.
Sounds sad and sombre, and it is.
I’d like to say that a common myth about Asperger people is that our lack of manipulation skills is because we’re weak or naive. Just the opposite is true – nothing terrifies NTs more than someone who expresses himself directly with no hidden agenda, or irony, or double meaning. With an Aspie, what you see is what you get. I think that assertiveness it is much better; use your natural strengths so you can be more creative and spontaneous.
I served in the military and everyone thought I was weird, but also very good at my job. And even though I was called “a freak of nature” they knew they could count on me no matter what. An Aspie should count on his “native” strength and skills instead of wasting them on NT games. In short – be yourself
For me, Hell is the waste of time and energy that having to deal bullies takes. The bully demands my time … how dysfunctional is that? “
I don’t think there’s any doubt that we bring out the worst in some people. I assumed it was because there’s some “body language” thing that we’re doing or not doing. People react as if we’re a threat or something. My attitude is to be extremely wary. I’ve become attuned to the signs that someone is getting annoyed or aggressive, and say something like … “it’s not necessary to get angry”. Of course, there’s a big risk saying that will cause some people to get even angrier.
Unfortunately, confronting people wears me out. Always warring with people leaves me more vulnerable to meltdowns – I end up being tired and over-stimulated.
Actually, I don’t really believe that normal nice people are bullies. Normal nice people do not do these things to people. It’s the bullies against everyone else. They hurt anyone that they think will let them get away with it.