Positive things about being Asperger / Food

Food “pickiness” in Asperger children is a symptom that is repeated over and over as a “big pain in the ass” for parents and anyone “forced” to deal with food and an Asperger in conjunction with anything edible – or not. Kids put an awful lot of stuff in their mouths that really doesn’t belong there, but mouthing and tasting are a “normal” sensory learning tool.

Back in the Dark Ages of child-rearing, “eat what’s put in front of you” was the rule, with reasonable consideration for personal choice on the part of the child. Vegetables and fruit: the common sense notion was that there are hundreds of choices in this category – why not find a few the kid likes, and focus on those?

My Asperger father liked what we called hillbilly food, which now is considered to be highly sophisticated nutrition: mustard greens, kale, okra etc. My mother, brother and I judged these to be slimy, smelly and inedible, so none of us ate these, nor were we “forced to” indulge based on some social theory that “superior people” want to 1. try every goddamn novel, exotic or culturally bizarre food item on the planet, and 2. pretend to find it “delicious” and not “nauseating” 3. this ritual “proves” moral and ethical feelings of cultural inclusiveness on the part of the “foodie” – but, of course, it’s still okay to be racist and sexist in other areas of human interaction.

Food tastes are culturally determined, after all, and there’s nothing wrong with preferring the types of food you were raised on, as we said in the Midwest. The whole world does it – why are Americans so ridiculously perverse?

See, this is what’s great about being Asperger. You never have to lie about food! You never have to consume bird snot, mold, rotted fish, maggots and their poop, or any other kind of poop. You don’t have to exterminate entire species just because you can’t get an erection without eating one of their body parts.

I grew out of refusing to eat runny egg yolks, and now like them. Ham and eggs, hash browns or grits, toast with jam and a caraf of hot coffee remains my favorite meal. Anything that contains or is garnished with bacon is simply wonderful. Bacon and eggs are “perfect” foods. Vegetables are “good for you” (I guess) so I dispense with that chore by juicing fruit and vegetables and drinking up…no hassle. Done for the day.

Also – I can live in Wyoming without suffering acute narcissistic self-inflicted suffering due to being deprived of constant social-status-seeking behavior surrounding food. Food here is AWFUL: simply awful. Even the Mexican and Asian food cooked by immigrants is awful. No one who likes food, and especially variety, could live here. I came pre-pre-prepared by parents who simply said, “Sit down and eat – all of it.” My only holdouts were Lima beans, cantaloupe, and okra – still are.

Asprrger Rule #1 – Never eat something that clings to a fork that a person shoves in your face saying, “Try it; you’ll like it. Everyone else does,” but they refuse to tell you what it is. LOL

Just think; if you are Asperger, once you grow up, at least, you never, ever have to eat anything that you find nauseating, creepy, disgusting, or over-priced; has blue icing on it, or smells like a stink bug or a bottle of fabric softener, a dryer sheet or cleaning fluid, with the texture of a wooly caterpillar or the squishiness of a big fat zit.

Unless that’s what you like…

 

 

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