Where is the concept of “health” in the dysfunctional and financially predatory American “health” system”?
Published under a “cute or funny story” column head on an autism website
“Perhaps my self-pity for placing my own needs on the back burner is the culprit. With a filled up calendar and exhaustion always dogging me, I’ve finally given up trying to do anything about the reoccurring gray hair, expanding waistline or the notion of ever wearing high heels again. My ‘mommy wardrobe’ is always covered with snot-smear, spilled juice or a greasy finger marks. My four year old lover bugger son (?) considers it a badge of honor I should wear proudly!”
“My head is so full of information, statistics, schedules, protocols, and the “to-do” list that I couldn’t possibly process anything else until I defragged my brain. No wonder I can’t sleep without self-medicating! I’m not saying every day is like this. But today, with my bad attitude soaring, I felt like I was banging my head against the wall, but then, I had a revelation; my challenges are not going to change. I’m sure I’m not the first mother to realize this, but I bet very few of them ever talk about it. It is also the most rewarding aspect of my life.”
“This is the best way I can describe what I’m feeling: I am not in a football game. I thought I was. I thought I was the quarter back, you know the ‘most valuable player’ making decisions on whether to throw or run the ball, move left or fake right. I huddle up with my linemen, wide receivers and running backs; you know those players, up there in front of me on the field, helping me win the game. We make a plan, execute it and with teamwork we see it through, past the goal line, score! Nope…I was wrong. I’m in a boxing ring. It’s just me, by myself, no one else. (Gee, after the 5 k run, cupcake sale, and “fund-raising” everyone goes home!)
“Giving up is NOT an option. So here I am…breathing heavy, battered, bruised and tired…giving it all I’ve got. Seems tough? It is. It’s emotional beyond belief. But, the reward far outweighs the battle. I am a warrior, I am a mother; I would fight this war over and over again without reservation. I thank God for my son. I thank God for Autism. It has forced me to be a better mother.” (But she’s not a good mother! She’s a total wreck! This is what happens when society values emotional hysteria and simultaneously devalues cognitive competence!)
Comment: Unfortunately, this woman has bought into American social propaganda that a frantic, busy, overworked, physically and emotionally depleted person is “successful” – even noble, special or superior to other humans. (Status-seeking) Women are especially rewarded for being frantic, busy, “people-pleasers” who are overworked physically and emotionally and depleted of cognitive energy. They become women who can’t be effective spouses, parents or employees. Much of what this woman struggles with is due to being a parent who must function within the warped and demanding American social culture – a daunting task whether or not that child is supposedly “normal” or “abnormal.” One suspects that being a Martyr Mother has become this woman’s sole option for having a “social identity” She says almost nothing about her child’s life. Indeed, Suffering is the “most rewarding” part of her life.
Mother as Martyr is also a highly traditional social role designed to literally keep women down – prisoners of stress-induced mental disturbances; irrational, dependent, hormonally de facto “crazy” – powerless.
This person needs is to separate challenges that are due to having an Asperger child from those that confront any parent. She badly needs to prioritize tasks that are necessary from those that establish and perpetuate her social status as a martyr. Martyr Mothers are not good parents. (I know, I had one.) Parents who simplify schedules, dump the emotional resentment, and provide a calm environment for their children are on the right track. And themselves, become much healthier.
The lack of real day-to-day help that drives parents of either gender into a non-stop mental and emotional roller coaster (which only intensifies the distress felt by the autistic child and the family) is confirmed by this woman’s “out-of-control” state.
Where are the “experts”?
Why do parents feel that they must “become” an expert in all aspects of diagnosis, treatment, caretaking and “dealing with” Autism or any other childhood event?
We see the same situation in education! Experts everywhere – and no sane and effective educational infrastructure, coherent and rational concepts, or delivery systems are produced – just expensive “blah, blah, blah” and rising rates of illiteracy, mental illness, autism, bullying, criminal and dangerous behavior, drug use and suffering among American families.
Where is the accountability?
Just imagine that after 50+ years NASA had yet to get a single rocket off the ground that didn’t explode after take off: no observational or communication satellites, space telescopes, solar system probes, Mars landings, advanced “remote” military operations. etc. etc. BUT with incredible increases in funding-spending at the same time!
Hmmm… there’s a pattern here… when was the last time the U.S. actually won a “War on” anything?