Having been diagnosed Asperger late in life provides a “before and after” awareness that is truly useful. There have been many “so that’s why” moments, both looking back to incidences of behavior that was inexplicable at the time, as well as now being aware of situations that I can predict will be difficult, and having time think through how to make the task less difficult. If not for me, at least for the people with whom I will be interacting.
It does no good to try to fool myself into thinking that my “Aspergerness” will ever go away, but to remind myself that I have always been this way does help; to know that it’s “normal” for me to feel awkward and anxious; to approach meltdown at times; to feel like a big cat caught in a cage.
Is the cat, like me, once it gets through the flight, fight, freeze response, left with a heavy hangover of fatigue as the adrenalin peak subsides?
I can’t imagine how big cats survive captivity without serious consequences to their health and behavior – and great suffering… like big cats, Asperger humans are trapped in a domestic social system that we can only diminish, but never escape.
I suspect that a more intense response to environmental factors is “built into” the Asperger nervous system as a consequence of being more “wild” than modern social humans, who have been domesticated, along with the animals that became “our” domestic animals.
https://youtu.be/VLc3ff5jEr4 Just add a car for “modern social human”
Anxiety is the product of my brain and body, so a dilemma comes about: neuro typical people, who are the product of thousands of years of domestication, are unaware that other legitimate types of humans exist. Anyone who doesn’t meet expectations of social conformity are “wrong – abnormal, dangerous, even subhuman” – this “rush to judgement” is unrealistic and unfounded, and it excuses the pain that is both actively and passively inflicted upon those humans who are different.
Too often “civilized” people simply classify other humans as “primitive, inferior, and needing reformation” In the long run, this leads to extermination of aboriginal (from the original) people who cannot be “tamed” – and cultural extermination when the “natives” can be enslaved, that is, can be useful as labor. This domination-by-elimination is a fundamental policy of “civilized cultures” and has been for thousands of years.
Historically recent fact serves as a prime example of this behavior: the intentional slaughter of millions of wild buffalo in the American grasslands, to make way for domestic cattle breeds, which effectively destroyed the “wild” Native Americans, by destroying their prime source of survival.
Domestication created the dog from the wolf, or a wolf-like ancestor, in essence, to be exploited for specialty labor. Dogs now number in the millions; “aboriginal” wolves, like those aboriginal people who could not be made to work, were actively and purposefully exterminated in North America. A hysteria over “savage wild wolves” still exists and they are shot, trapped and poisoned by “domestic” humans. Another ongoing example of this policy, is the rush by American manufacturers to move factories, and other business overseas to developing nations. It’s the same underlying model: exploit “less developed” but highly-domesticated populations for specialty labor. Serious problems have resulted from an extremely steep rate of increase in human population as a consequence of the industrial revolution, which made enormous amounts of energy available; but at the expense of the “rest of life” being poisoned, killed, and eliminated from the planet by destruction of habitat, from sources of survival.
After a lifetime of being told that I am odd, abnormal, ill, disordered, or a threat to “the social order” and trying to understand why, I came to the understanding that Asperger individuals are more profoundly different than social domestic humans living today can imagine.