Please stop…Neurotypical Mistakes Re-Post

The following set of instructions is targeted to autistic people and one sees this type of “helping” material also directed at Asperger “folks.”

My overall reaction is that this “program” is a set of scripts, which is the problem from the start. ASD people don’t communicate using scripts. Why? Because social scripts have no content. They are empty forms that describe and acknowledge who is higher on the social pyramid. I have no objection to deferring to elderly people or to people who have made contributions that are remarkable, such as a long life well lived. 

I am interested in interesting people who can carry on a REAL conversation in which content is shared. I am polite; I am genuinely interested in who a person is, not what TV shows they watch. If they are the TV shows they watch, then I’m not likely interested. . Unfortunately, the following “advice” is so stilted, formulaic and robotic that Asperger individuals may feel insulted. We’re not broken – we’re people who want a lot more from conversation than what’s presented by neurotypicals. If autistic individuals find this strict social formula helpful, then good.

And now…how ASD people can join in the mind-numbing exercise of social chatter.

Why would anyone want to do this?

_____________How can I start a conversation?

If the person you would like to talk to is already talking to someone else, especially if it is someone you do not know, it may be better to speak to them later when they are free. Approach the person but stop when you are about an arm’s length away and face them.

Saying ‘Hello’ is normally a good way to start a conversation. Try to think of some other good greetings as well, eg ‘Hi’ to a friend or ‘Excuse me’ if you wish to attract someone’s attention. It is important to remember that the appropriate type of greeting changes depending on the situation and person you are speaking to (social rank); eg you may say ‘Hiya’ to a friend but ‘Hello’ to your boss.

Using the person’s name before or after your greeting will help them to know you are talking to them. In some families people do not address elder relatives by their name but call them Aunt, Uncle, Grandma as appropriate. Think about the names that you use when you speak to the people in your family.

If the person you speak to answers ‘Hello’ (or something similar) it usually means that they want to talk. (Really? Not really.)

It is a good idea to ask some general questions at the beginning of the conversation rather than starting on a certain topic. Some ideas of things to say here are:

  • How are you?
  • It’s nice to see you.
  • Did you enjoy the film/concert/TV programme? (If you have watched one)

Try writing down some other general questions and topics that you can use when you are talking to other people. (Don’t forget to take a list with you, so you can read from it like a teleprompter).

What should I say during a conversation?

Remember to take it in turns when talking to someone. Let them answer your questions and give them a chance to ask you one in return if they want to. (Could this be any more awkward?)

Talk about things that you know the other person likes as well as the things that you like. If you both like the same things then you could talk about these. However, it is not appropriate to talk to some people about certain topics. It is probably a good idea to avoid talking about them if you do not know the person well. Try to make a list of things that are and are not appropriate to talk about. (Take the list with you: then you can read it to them so that they can tell what you’re allowed to say).

Examples of appropriate topics of conversation Wow! How exciting

  • The weather
  • Programmes that are on the television

Examples of inappropriate topics of conversation You can’t talk about anything interesting. You may as well talk to a stone pillar.

  • Critical comments about a persons appearance (eg saying that you do not like their clothes)
  • Money (eg asking someone how much money they earn)

OMG! If you find it hard to understand that someone else may feel differently to you, you may not realise that not everyone is as interested in a certain topic or activity as you are. You may want to talk about it a lot but the other person may not be as interested or knowledgeable about the subject as you are. If you are talking to someone about a topic and they begin to look like they want to end the conversation you could say ‘Would you like me to tell you more?’ or ‘Would you like to talk about something else?’. However, sometimes the person will want to end the conversation altogether for another reason. For example, they may need to get to work. You may also find it difficult to tell how someone else is feeling because they are not actually saying how they feel and you find it difficult to read body language and facial expressions. What is appropriate to say to them will sometimes be different depending on how they are feeling about the subject. If you are not sure how someone is feeling, you can ask them. Here is an example of a situation where this may be a good idea:

A friend tells you that they have to move house because they have a new job.

In this situation your friend may feel sad that they have to move away or excited because they have a new job. To make sure that you understand how they feel you could say ‘How does that make you feel?’ What genius!

Your friend may tell you that they are happy to be moving house because they are excited about the new job. However, you may feel sad because they will be moving far away from you. In this situation, instead of focusing on how you feel you could say, ‘I’m glad you are happy because you have a new job. I do feel sad though because you will be moving far away.’ This means you will be talking about their feelings as well as your own. This is called ’empathy’ and shows other people that you are a kind and caring person. You could discuss with your family member or carer other situations that may require you to show empathy. Can empathy be “faked”? I don’t think so; then it wouldn’t be empathy. It’ just a script.

Facial expressions

Cambridge University Autism Research Centre has developed a CD-ROM programme called Mind Reading. It was developed to help people with an ASD to recognise the emotion that someone is feeling using their facial expression. The Mind Reading CD-ROM has been very successful and researchers at the University hope to be able to make a device that tells people with an ASD what emotion another person is feeling using a small camera and computer in the future. However, research into this is in the very early stages and so it will be a while before this is available.

Watch out for signals that someone wants to end a conversation with you. These may include:

  • not asking questions back
  • looking around the room
  • yawning
  • saying they have something else to do

Do not get upset if a person does this. Sometimes it is better to end a conversation before you run out of things to say. If you want to end the conversation, say something like, “Well I’d better be going now” before saying “Goodbye” because it is more polite than just saying “Goodbye” and walking away. Try to think of some other ways to end a conversation.

Making friends

Making friends can be difficult for people with an ASD but once you have established them they can be enjoyable. You will have someone to go out with, talk about things you enjoy and discuss your problems with.

It can be difficult to tell if someone is not a real friend. This can be especially difficult for people with an ASD. This is because the signs that someone is pretending to be your friend are often very difficult to detect because they include body language and tone of voice. You may not find it easy to notice these.

Marc Segar wrote about his experiences in a survival guide for people with an ASD to help improve their social skills. You can read it here. The section called ‘Finding the right friends’ may help you to discover whether someone is a real friend. The ideas below are based on some of Marc Segar’s:

A true friend

  • Will always make you feel welcome and talk to you if they have the time.
  • Will treat you the same way that they treat all of their friends.

Someone pretending to be a friend

  • Will sometimes make you feel welcome but show signs that they do not want to talk almost immediately.
  • May treat you differently to their other friends.

Telling people that you have an autism spectrum disorder

Sometimes people find others who behave differently to themselves hard to understand. People without an ASD may find it hard to understand why you may prefer not to look them in the eye whilst you speak or why you like to talk a lot about a special interest. A way of helping people to understand your differences and communicate well with you is to tell them that you have an ASD. Obviously, it is your choice whether or not to tell people but it can often be a positive decision.

You do not have to go into great detail about what an ASD is. Perhaps you could tell them about the triad of impairments and the difficulties that you have because of this. Things to think about include:

  • Communication – Do you find body language difficult to understand? Do you find it hard to tell what emotion others are feeling? Do you find it difficult to say what you mean?
  • Imagination – Do you find it difficult to imagine how someone else feels? Do you find it distressing when things change? Do you have a special interest?
  • Social interaction – Do you prefer to be alone? Do you find it difficult to make friends? Do you find it difficult to keep a conversation going?

Not all of these difficulties will apply to you. You could ask someone who knows you well how you behave differently in social situations in comparison to someone who does not have an ASD. Knowing this can be very useful as you will then be able to tell people about these difficulties and also work on improving them.

Here are some additional ideas and things to remember to help you when dealing with social situations. This does not cover every possible situation you may find yourself in, but it does provide advice for some of the most common circumstances:

  1. Rules change depending on the situation and person you are speaking to.  (Much of this is due to the social hierarchy, in which social class is of paramount importance. ASD people are de facto at the bottom of the pyramid, therefore ASD people are less important than other people.)  For example, it would be appropriate to say ‘Hiya’ to a friend but ‘Hello’ to your boss. A good example of this is the story of a man who was told that it was polite to go up to people and smile and shake their hand when he met them. This was appropriate most of the time. However, when he attended a family member’s funeral people thought he was being insensitive because he was walking around with a big smile when they were feeling sad.
  2. If you make a mistake and upset someone it does not mean they do not like you. Usually, saying sorry helps. If you are not sure what you have done to upset someone, ask.
  3. Sometimes it is ok (TO LIE, in fact if you don’t you will be in trouble) not to tell the truth to make someone else happy (eg saying they do not look fat, even if they do). Some people call these ‘little white lies’. Try thinking of some situations where this may be the case with a family member or key worker.
  4. Saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ is appropriate in all situations. This shows other people that you are a polite person.
  5. Even if you do not want to socialise with other people and prefer to be on your own, it is a good idea to develop your social skills. In particular, the links below to advice about having a conversation may be useful. These will help you to act in an appropriate way when you are in a social situation that you cannot avoid, eg a family party. Again, this will show other people that you are a polite person.

 

 

 

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “Please stop…Neurotypical Mistakes Re-Post

  1. Does Normdom understand – consciously – what it actually does (individually and collectively) in that strange ‘alternate dimension’ known as *the social world*?

    My suspicion is that being conscious of just how that outpost of ***hell*** actually works is much of the difference between the usual Normie and his/her psychopathic ‘small-g gods’ – as in the psychopath’s take on the matter is the correct one, and Normdom isn’t prepared to admit this is indeed so… as if it really ***is*** all about ‘dominance, power and control’ in that amoral zero-sum mess?

    Finally, I suspect that the chief reason most autists ‘don’t bother’ with that ‘accursed nightmare’ is more a lack of the needed faculties rather than a knowing ‘turning away from evil’. (It’s hard to be involved in – or repudiate – something you don’t know about – or even, once you DO learn something about it, you find yourself unable to participate due to alack of the needed faculties.

    And no, these things cannot be ‘learned’, nor can the be faked particularly well. If you don’t have at least some of the needed instincts, no amount of training will be able to give the ***needed*** degree of social functiong. (And, as stated earlier, that level of functioning needs to exceed that of the bulk of Normdom by a sizable margin.) This is precisely why ‘social skills training’ for autists verges on being ‘a complete waste of time’ (for autists, anyway. Those Normies doing it may well game matters such that they come out ahead socially – improved standing in the hierarchy, recognition, dominance moves, etc)

    If ‘working the con’ is THE way to climb socially – then one must be able to ‘do conning’. If you cannot – you are screwed -and I have a hard time seeing Normdom as being ignorant about this.

    Like

    • Hmmm…a lot to think about. 1.In most societies, people like us; not just “autistic” but who are “anti-social” to the regime or religion – just get “done away with” – literally, or removed to the margins. 2 We are “untrainable” and therefore useless, unless of course you’re a “genius” who can be recruited to design the technologies that advance war. 3. What we refer to as neurotypicals, are actually cheerleaders for the social order; they are the social order. Everyone has their role, perqs, and except at the very bottom, people to look down on and exploit. So 99% of the people in a society DO NOT want change, except for “moving up” in status. 4. WE are the “alternate dimension” – ghosts from a previous “hypo-social” order, in which individuals had roles, but those roles were meaningful and contributed to survival; everyone “counted”. This is structural: if you only have 50-150 humans in a group, EVERYONE must contribute, but this does not as readily lead to exploitation: leaders are “embedded” in the group and can be easily removed if they get “arrogant”. 5. It’s only when a group becomes large enough that there are a number of “extra males” running around with not enough to do, that these males can be “rounded up” as a force that can be used to threaten, police, and control “the others” and to raid ‘the neighbors”. War is inevitable. 6. Fast forward, and here we are: the way for society to eliminate “us” (in developed countries) has to be “non-violent” so we are classified as “mentally defective” and removed from society as “psychological exiles”. 7. The evidence can be subtle: Why are people on the “spectrum” who ARE CAPABLE of doing work and making contributions to society, labeled “unemployable” and excluded from employment?

      Like

      • 1) is more or less the current position of most autists (in this ***accursed*** approximation of the fictional witch-country named ‘l’amerika’.) The reason we are not being slaughtered en-masse via a replay of aktion t4 is that the needed ideology is not currently being ‘bought’ by the majority.
        2) agreed. The sole use Normdom has for us is ‘a means to an end’ – that end being variations on climbing socially toward Godhood.
        3) agreed – the social order exists as part of what, for us, is a type of ‘alternate dimension’, a place which we cannot abide in, and scarcely recognise in *any* form, and by any means – and a place Normdom has trouble existing outside of.
        4) agreed. We are ‘refugees from reality’; we do real things – those things needed to actually survive – while Normdom does magic(k). This is why Normdom essentially worships psychopathic individuals – they are superior practitioners of Normdom’s instinct-borne magickal practices. (Gaming spirits is vastly harder than gaming people – so anyone with superior social ‘skills’ is by definition a capable magickian.)
        5) hence war is the ultimate form of magick, and the resulting sacrifice of ‘surplus’ people -of both genders – sanctifies both Normdom AND the practice of magick.
        6) it is in its beginning stages yet. In Normdom, there is but one correct form/ way of being; and since Normdom is more-or-less ***hard-wired*** to embrace the Nazi concepts implicit in “Ein Volk, Ein Reich, und Ein Führer,” it is but a matter of time before anyone who cannot be properly Gleichschaltung’d will be stuffed into a death-camp/euthanasia center to be murdered.
        7) why? Normdom isn’t interested in useful matters, but increasing individual and collective standing (in the Dominance hierarchy). Hence, when employers hire someone – withfew exceptions, most being recognisable as matters of true life or death – the chief point is ***social **** competency, e.g. “is this person causing me to feel ‘the intoxication of power’? Will they be useful in my plans for corporate domination? Can I use them to further my own (nefarious) ends? Will hiring them make me look good to the people that matter?”

        When understanding the ‘true and inward nature’ of Normies, think ‘this is like the politburo under Dugashvilli/Stalin. They cannot be trusted – for all I know, this wretch I’m talking to might be a stand-in for Yezhov or Beria, and has his own coterie of Gletkin-type followers.’ Pause. ‘If I don’t watch myself carefully, I’ll cop an article 58-10, and then get ***nine grams*** in the back of my head!’

        Like

  2. ‘Fear of magick’ is due – largely – to the rules governing the (collective) unconscious of Normdom, and the resulting state of ‘the social world’ being more-or-less identical to the rules governing hermeticism/old-line Hinduism .

    In short, ‘magick’ is intended to legitimize and externalize the (darker) side of the unconscious (operating through instinctual (social) behavior.

    Now, a darker note: presume that *every* bad thing spoken of autists is actually believed by Normdom (at some level). Using that evidence(?) , just ***how*** are we seen? More, what – if anything – can we, individually and collectively – do about this – the thinking, and the resulting actions based upon that thinking?

    That is the question, and it has been grinding upon me for years.

    Like

    • “Magic” in its original form was “individual” and not collective. Its effects on the visible world depended on the character of the practitioner: the ability to “recite” the exact word-spells without error and in the correct order: to “be” in the proper “mind space” (heart); to offer “gifts” (a sign of “proper” position – man is “less than” nature and demonstrates his/her recognition of this “fact of life” by offering what is “given to us” by nature – those materials that make life possible. “Religion” involved co-opting this one-to-one relationship of the individual to nature and removed “power” to the “priesthood” who claimed special “knowledge” of “ultimate reality” – conveniently an invisible “domain” that was out of reach for the individual. This was fatal to human happiness.

      The “sin” of “neurodiverse” individuals is to claim the original one-to-one relationship to nature (logic, reason, humility, gratitude – innate intuition of equality, justice and honesty as necessary values). This claim is a “defection from the neorotypical social order”, and is absolutely forbidden by the “priesthood” who are the enforcers of magical-supernatural-collective religion in all its forms. So this is why all the seemingly “petty social infractions” that “we” commit are reacted to with “rage” and retaliation; not performing these “petty social gestures” is perceived to be an existential threats to “normdom”. It’s not, but “seeing” that would require neurotypicals to be “logical, reasonable and open-minded.” LOL.

      Like

  3. The chief issue, however: manifesting such traits reliably would require an effectual ‘complete brain-transplant’ – a situation where the (cured) autist is destroyed, and a Normal-in-full-particulars ‘body-double’ takes his/her place.

    Now, ‘intensive behavioral intervention’ is stated as accomplishing this, or so many Norms seem to believe – or, at least, that is the seeming. (Hence lots of them more or less demand such aggressive/abusive *behavior modification*, with plausible-sounding justifications…)

    It doesn’t, though – and since I presume the competence of Normdom at least as much as I presume that of autists, I suspect most Normies know that it does not make ‘simulacrums of humanity’ into ‘real people (like themselves)

    So, then – what is this rubbish actually intended to do? Is it intended to destroy us – to ‘break us of our wildness, and make us amenable to instruction’ – as in ‘quiet ***’? To teach us that we are ‘subhuman and defective’, and hence our slave-status is altogether justified?

    Am I missing the boat here? Are we mired in the remnants of ‘the disabled person’s version of “jim crow” still, supposed laws to the contrary?

    Like

    • Thanks for reminding me of this post. I just reread it – it’s really funny. A super-obvious revelation of neurotypical nuttiness: I fear that the writer is sincere in believing that this idiotic “instruction” will close the gap between “us” and “them”!! Really – I think this person is sincere; they simply don’t grasp the evolutionary chasm between neurotypicals and neuroexceptionals (I’m favoring this label over Asperger these days.)

      Like

  4. And Nowhere in this Normie *drivel* is the importance of mind-reading mentioned…

    Nor does Normdom tell you that you – the autist – will bear sole responsibility for the establishment and maintenance of any relationships you might wish or need. (Namely, you’ll need to not merely hide who you are from the other person or people; you’ll also need to ‘game’ them so as to deal with their narcissistic attitude(s) and other rank-based delusions.)

    In short, ‘proper social functioning’, if one is autistic, includes the following:
    1) superior mind-reading ability, especially *cold-reading* others – as in ‘read people like a book’.
    2) intimate and extensive knowledge of social hierarchy, and the capacity to discern relative and absolute social rank in others.
    3) insight into the vulnerabilities of others (for exploitation)
    4) extreme Machiavellian thinking.
    5) extreme manipulation skills.
    6) lying convincingly with the appearance of sincerity.
    7) superficial charm

    If this sounds like a personality disorder – e.g. NPD – then you’re right. However, it’s not you who has the narcissism – it’s ***them***.

    You simply have to be ‘more normal than normal’ for the average Normie to willingly ‘bother with’ someone they see as a ‘gross social inferior’ – namely, it’s their sucky attitude you need to overcome (through love-bombing) simply to ***be seen as human enough*** that they’ll not treat you like DUNG.

    Like

    • Well, you’ve done it this time! A perfect summation of the predicament – the “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” project handed to ASD “high-functioning” personalities. If we use our talents to “understand” how normdom works (which NTs themselves don’t understand: they “live” NPD, but cognitive revelation that they ARE NPD is scarce), then it’s as if we possess secret knowledge, which in their universe confers power. Wouldn’t they love to have the extreme psycho-sociopathic (1-7) traits you listed! That is, traits that you an I see as “disastrous to human happiness” (to put it mildly) ARE neurosocial “leadership qualities” that are much adored by the masses of NTS. Just look at the U.S. – a delusional “democracy” in which NTs consistently ELECT psycho-sociopaths from BOTH parties, shamelessly accusing the other as being’the bad guys! Even a “Constitution” that protects Human Rights can’t protect “Normdom” from itself. PS-Paths game the system? Easy, when they design and build the system.

      I can’t account for ALL high-functioning ASDs, but, the true crime here is that “Normies” cannot distinguish between “being a psycho-sociopath” and a cognitive understanding of what psycho-sociopathology IS: As you say, if they sense that “you” have some knowledge that they lack, it must be dangerous “magick” – and the possessor of such knowledge is a dangerous magician. If they are reassured by the true PS who are their leaders, that “we” (or any particular group they fancy as a threat) are “defective subhumans”, that suits NTs just fine; another group lower on the social pyramid that has been sanctioned as “legitimate targets” for bullying, etc.

      SO – a true existential dilemma: if we DO understand “the game” then these are the consequences: If one refuses to “play the game” because one’s values are antithetical to being either a PS-path” OR a peasant-victim (fact-the hierarchy is utterly alien to our native personality) then one is “screwed”. Choose to use “cognitive knowledge” to “play and game” the hierarchy, then one is actually a “PSPath -admired, accepted, rewarded and deemed a “success” In reality, this may be the most accurate “test” to “diagnose” a high-functioning ASD. Does the individual “reject” the temptation to be a “magician” – reject using the (1-7) traits that confer “power” that is the goal of “normal ambition”? The NT mind cannot make this distinction; it’s only capable of “fear of magick”!

      they are no rewards for being “intelligent”.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s