Asperger types are described as incapable of being social or emotional, but this is a misunderstanding on the part of the social majority. Unlike standard social interaction, which is pro forma and fleeting, successful Asperger relationships are founded on intellectual give-and-take and may take long periods of time to develop.
We focus on shared interests and values rather than shared emotions and hostility. Honesty and trustworthiness are prime requirements and these personal characteristics are non negotiable, hence Asperser people may have few friends. Being social for the sake of being social holds little-to-no appeal; an Asperger individual may put in an appearance at a gathering if necessary, but then vanish as quickly as possible. Constructing and maintaining a socially acceptable charade, especially in which one has no interest, is exhausting. Many of us don’t bother with attempting to mimic social ritual, a disobedient stance which earns us the wrath of the socially-addicted.
The Asperger ability to experience deep emotional attachments to animals, objects, equations, theories, and classes of things like transportation, machines, space exploration or numbers , may seem improbable or impossible to social typicals, but it’s true.
Some, like myself, feel that a specific landscape, rock formation, river, or mountain range – indeed the whole of nature’s manifestations, ‘speak to us’ emotionally or spiritually. This intense feeling of being embedded in the environment is possibly what ‘animism’ was like, before modern humans misinterpreted ‘being embedded in nature’ as the magical belief that “active spirits” are capable of conscious acts of good and evil and interfere with human lives. The Asperger’s prime attachment is to physical reality and not to an artificial “supernatural dimension”.
It takes time for an Asperger to get to know an individual and too many social people just don’t have the time or interest to participate in growing a relationship. Asperger individuals often don’t ‘get’ that the social typical person isn’t interested in getting to know them, (or anyone else for that matter). We do see that the social person wants immediate superficial attention. Status-seeking social typicals are out to ‘score a hit’ and the less they have to invest in time and sincerity the better. We instinctively reject shallow treatment of human beings. In fact, our need for genuine interaction is why we’re called naïve, or mistakenly identified as developmentally retarded.
Surprisingly, what social typicals fail to understand is that permission to lie, cheat and steal is apportioned according to one’s location on the social pyramid, with those at the top having almost unlimited sanction to commit crimes without penalty or consequence – the opposite true – these individuals are financially rewarded. No one should be surprised, therefore, by rampant social and economic inequality booming in our Democratic Republic. Amazingly, socially savvy social typicals don’t have a clue as to why this appalling situation exists. It is obvious that politicians lie to get elected and then promptly ignore voter wishes and do whatever their “owners” pay them to do. This has been happening election after election since politics (a social endeavor) appeared, and yet social typicals never catch on that they are being “tooled.”
One way for an Asperger to cope with the social charade is to imagine that each and every “normal” person is running for political office – even if it’s a tiny niche somewhere in the vast social hierarchy, and that exchanges with “normal” people are only campaign stops. Unless you have (relative) wealth or power, you aren’t worth a second handshake.