Below are a few paragraphs from the article and website about how to understand and counteract “learned helplessness”, an adaptation on the part of vulnerable people to persons with Personality Disorders, who, if you are AS, have likely influenced your life in very negative ways. We can recognize this “inducement” of learned helplessness as the goal behind many traditional “treatments” of ASD children, from literal torture (Dr. Bettelheim, Dr. Israel, and other centers of child abuse disguised as “schools”) to the incessant badgering on the part of some parents and teachers, to “act normal” even if it means being trained to mimic social behavior: if bears and big cats can be trained to “perform” Why not ASD and Aspergers children? The media misconduct of labeling non-neurotypical children and adults as “violent” criminals is scandalous.
What I think, is that Asperger children and adults are “despised” by the “predators” who dictate social conformity because we are extremely resistant (if not immune) to “learned helplessness,” although the “plan” to domesticate ALL CHILDREN is everywhere promoted in American culture; from hyper-religious group passivity (don’t you dare think for yourself) to political correctness (forbidden practice of free speech.)
The study of Learned Helplessness began in a lab where dogs were tortured with electrical shocks. Sound familiar? Why is “torture” the basis for manipulation of human behavior? It works.
How to Deal with Learned Helplessness
If you have lived for a long time with a person who suffers from a personality disorder, your self-esteem may have taken a hammering. You may have spent a lot of your energy and focus on the other person, trying to change their behavior. You may be feeling powerless, hopeless and helpless.
However, it is important to remember that while you may have almost no control or influence over the other person, you still have complete control and influence over your own behaviors. Note that for “neuro-diverse individuals, this is extremely difficult to sort out – we have innate “ways of being” that will never be acceptable to modern social humans. In fact, the necessary and healthy drive to develop autonomy in every child has been pathologized as ODD.
Notice that ODD is a “life sentence” – being a young black male is one significant target category for inducement of learned helplessness, applied lavishly by a corrupt social / justice system to advance the inevitability of a criminal life and incarceration.
+ODD – A disorder in a child marked by defiant and disobedient behavior to authority figures.
This means that in order to stay mentally healthy yourself, you will have to begin to act more independently of the person with the mental illness. Perhaps you need to stop seeking their approval for your decisions, stop asking for their permission to take care of yourself, stop letting them take the lead in your relationship. After all – if you are the one who is mentally healthy, you need to be the one who is making the decisions about what is best for you. Note: I would bet that few Aspergers have ever let themselves believe that they may be mentally healthy. Use that beautiful analytic brain! What do you see?
This may sound selfish. Many Non-PD’s express discomfort or resistance at first to doing this. They may feel guilt or shame at “abandoning” or “neglecting” a PD partner or parent. Even worse, the person with the PD may react negatively to any independent thought and begin to accuse them of not caring, abandoning them or worse.
If you feel reluctance, guilt or fear it is important to remember that by taking care of yourself you are not acting selfishly. On the contrary, you are doing the most loving thing possible for the person with the PD. After all, no mentally healthy person would want a loved one to neglect themselves or make themselves sick or powerless. That just leads to two people being sick. Note: Is there someone in your life who wishes you to “remain” disabled?
Jumping out of the box takes some effort on your part.
Note: UNDERSTATEMENT! I was fortunate in having a psychiatrist (in my late teens) who advised me to “Get away from your family. They are making you ill.” My Asperger intuition knew this to be true, but the confirmation by an objective person made it possible to pack my bags and to relocate far away. It took many, many (wasted) years of trying to “work out” a healthier relationship with my family: surprisingly it was my Asperger father who changed and we rediscovered a deep connection. My mother and brother were indeed immovable, cruel and incapable of an ounce of kindness: narcissists. It was necessary to “abandon them.” – It was ncredibly wrenching despite my knowledge that it was the right thing to do. I don’t think that one ever gets over the nagging (and sick) voice that whispers, “You should have tried harder; you could have done more.”