The Strange Unhealthy World of “Caregivers”

Problems do have solutions, but not if you are a slave to the social paradigm.

Problems do have solutions, but not if you are a slave to the social paradigm.

I didn’t want to do this (post writings from anecdotal Autism sites) because there is so much that is said by caregivers / parents that is highly offensive to me as an Asperger individual (and as a human being.) BUT, these peeks into the overwrought, insensitive and frankly irrational  behavior by (some) of those who are responsible for raising children who are having “problems” must be examined if we are to discover the environmental conditions that aggravate or precipitate challenging behavior in “Autism Spectrum” kids.

NOTE: I’m not going to advertise these sites or “essays” – I don’t wish to promote “bad caregiving” or embarrass the caregivers. Although these anecdotes were posted for anyone on the internet to read, some changes have been made to mask identities.

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Let’s share our cute and memorable stories and moments!

I would LOVE if you would share your cute and memorable stories and moments, of times with your children (and adults) with Asperger’s Syndrome.

And for my readers that have Asperger’s Syndrome, please submit cute, funny, memorable stories you might have that bring joy to you when you think about them.

I have so many cute and happy stories and moments myself, so many that I’ve forgotten as well. I’m hoping this will help to trigger some memories for me, and for you as well. :o)

This can be a really fun section of this website. Your stories will make others smile, laugh out loud, and even shed tears of happiness.

You are more than welcome to submit more than one cute story and/or moment, I encourage you to do so as I’m sure you have many …

I’ll start it off with my own submission, or two, or many, and as I remember more stories, I’ll follow up by posting them here.

I look forward to reading your stories and I’m sure that other parents and caregivers s will as well. :o)

This is going to be so much fun!!

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Cute or Funny Story #1

Help Me! My Child Has Asperger’s Syndrome and is Having a Melt-Down!

We were in a restaurant and the music was LOUD (and so were the other patrons).

My son hadn’t been diagnosed yet but, as many of us have experienced before diagnosis, I knew there was something going on. But, this was before I knew that bringing an iPod or headphones or something that could shut out the noise would help.

So, at any rate, we’re in the restaurant, the music is loud (even for me it was loud) and I was watching my son slide into shut-down mode. I knew it was the noise.

I explained to our waiter what was happening and I asked if there was any possibility of the music being turned down a bit. They actually turned down the music! For us! I was so grateful. But unfortunately it was still too loud for my son.

We didn’t even have our food yet (although we had already ordered and had been drinking our sodas) and we came to the conclusion that we had to leave, now, because he wasn’t going to be able to handle it.

The waiter, knowing that we were having difficulty, had been keeping an eye on us so it didn’t take much for me to get his attention again. I told him thank you for having the music turned down but that unfortunately it was still too much for my boy and we were going to have to leave. They immediately boxed up our dinners for us so that we could take them home with us!

Analysis: Too often a parent will wait until the child is approaching full “melt-down” before attempting to deal with it. They have ensured that a problem will occur by putting their child in a situation that they KNOW will cause the child pain, but they do it anyway. The result is increased anxiety in the child (why does she keep doing this to me?) It furthers negative reactions and resentment among the public, who spread complaints about “impossible and annoying”  ASD children. The mother expects the restaurant staff to “fix” her poor judgment; a bit outrageous!

It’s not as if there aren’t solutions. Scope out restaurants ahead of time. Find one or two that are suitable and ask the staff when their slack times occur. Or take out sandwiches from a restaurant and have a picnic in a quiet corner of a park. Have a quality conversation with your child instead of subjecting both of you, and restaurant patrons, to social trauma. Masking the problem with headphones is NOT helping the child; it reinforces the experience that “other people hate me, and I hate them.” It’s like handing a couple of aspirin to Grandpa, who has serious heart problems, and then forcing him to climb the Washington Monument, and then being shocked when he keels over and needs an ambulance to transport him to an emergency facility.

The punitive idea that forcing ASD children to tolerate the intolerable in order to socialize them (as if being social will magically rub off on them) is CRUEL. Social modern humans judge parents on the behavior of their children in public; this presents a choice. Either do what helps your child, or continually harm yourself and  your child, plus reinforce social stereotypes, by falling into the lie that social typical society will change to accommodate those who are “different” (it won’t) or persisting in the belief that life is a “beauty pageant” and that your child can be a contestant. ASD children are a distinct type of human; not less, not more, but entitled to creating lives that are proper to our physical and mental abilities.

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4 thoughts on “The Strange Unhealthy World of “Caregivers”

  1. Yet I think this is trap most parents fall into, whether their child is ASD or not. Socialisation tells us how families are supposed to be. If we aren’t able to see through the bull-shit, we will strive for that ideal. That means that we think that our children need to be exposed to a variety of situations. Sometimes we even discover that our children manage those situations in an OK manner.
    To repeat our mistakes over and over again (as it seems the woman above did) is foolish. I have had people (family and friends) try to convince me that my children need certain experiences. But that has felt wrong. Even if I did not know that I had autism (or that my oldest son did as well), I had my own childhood experiences of being forced into extremely challenging situations and did not want to pass that on to my children. We have been accused of coddling our children. Perhaps. But my own experiences seemed to indicate something else. Now I am thankful we did what felt right.

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    • Sometimes “fantasies” die off as children grow; one day they want to play soccer, and then they don’t. Some parents have by this time gotten caught up in the social thing, and refuse to let the kid quit. Like it’s a major life failure is he or she doesn’t become a “star’ player. Other kids thrive under pressure. Who knows? I always have (and still do) dig in like a stubborn mule when told that I have to do something. I was just thinking about that while walking the dog: I’m a creature of the present: impulse and habit are my friends, otherwise I might not do anything. If an activity requires planning ahead, with more than two or three steps required, I’m out! I’ve heard other Aspergers say the same. It may be the biggest impediment to functioning in “normal” work situations. “We” don’t live in the past or future, but spend most of our “time” in a timeless place in our minds. How do you experience time?

      Liked by 1 person

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